proud to live life #likeagirl

My favorite Super Bowl Sunday ad was not funny, too high-tech, nor did it involve a celebrity.  Instead, my favorite commercial had a simple yet poignant message: Why and when did the phrase " Like a girl" become so derogatory? There is nothing wrong with being a female human, but even now, girls and women are fed negative ideas about what doing things " like a girl" means.


Girls and women are NOT " wimpy"


Our bodies are different than the bodies of boys and men, but that does not mean that we are any less capable of athletic, academic and creative success.


If we work hard enough, we can become just as successful in our business and professional lives as our male colleagues. Gender does not preclude success or failure in ANYTHING.


Also: since when do the same qualities in boys and men that people attribute as ' leadership, become " bossy" when girls and women show the same traits?


Since when are strong-willed, independent women who think for themselves  seen as " less female' than women who are not as strong?


I am really tired of the veiled and not-so-veiled misogyny that I see often.


Get out of the freaking 18th century.




SEM

one of my own ' call stories'

Regardless of what anyone's beliefs { or nonbelief, at it may be}are or are not, all humans are called to a purpose. none of us exist to merely take up oxygen and other resources, each and everyone has a purpose or two[ or three or four.....} for our time hear on Earth. Today's sermon lesson was on such ' callings' and since I am a Christian, I shall take a Christian approach to this topic.




Discerning a '"call"  has two components One is the inner voice that tells someone she or he is called to a particular place, job, relationship, ect. Makes sense, yes?




I've spent at least the past two years in my own discernment.  for reasons which I would rather not mention, I felt a need to make a move from one Episcopal parish to another.




My decision to leave Small Parish for Beach Parish was not an easy one, nor did I make that choice to follow that call "suddenly" [ no matter what you might have heard through the local grapevine]


 I'd been in a conversation with God and with some trusted friends regarding this move to beach parish for quite some time. When the right mix of events occurred, it was God SHOUTING to me " Time to move". By that time, I was ready for the next step in my walk with Christ---and as painful as my parting with Small Parish was and still is, I do not regret listening to that inner voice of God telling me that it was past time to move on.




As my mom, she'll tell you that I do not listen to anyone very well or very often. God was shouting at me to get my skinny butt to a different place . Sadly like the stubborn Irish-American hillbilly gal I am, I still didn't listen. after all, God wasn't giving me any specifics about WHY it was time to seek out a new parish home, all God kept telling me that I needed to move on from what I'd come to know and love.[ yes I do love Small Parish}






The second part of the ' call' isn't quite so easy: Does the community affirm the call? In my case, I'd felt both the inner call to leave Small Parish---but was terrified of what that might mean for the relationships that I had built with the people in that community. Best Dude was and still IS a member of Small Parish, and the idea of becoming a two-parish household DID NOT make me feel good. Yet I was restless in the former parish community, and felt out-of-place among them.  try as I might, I felt lonely among them, and only continued to be a part of that parish because I selfishly wanted to spend Sunday mornings with him. Also, are we not supposed to worship in a church near where we live? 


For two years I struggled with these questions and many more. God was telling me what God wanted me to do, and even as I began to see the ' big picture" of what God called me to do I still resisted until some circumstances hit me in what felt like a literal slap in the face. all I shall say about what prompted me to finally listen to God's calling me was that it SUCKED!




 I can say with a clear and joyous heart that Beach Church has affirmed my ' calling' to be a part and among them. I only wish I would have answered this particular call sooner.


Thanks be to God.


Amen.

Bullshit and bullies : Adulthood Version

As usual, a Facebook post led my thoughts to wander down a metaphorical " rabbit hole". As someone whose Myers-Briggs personality type is INFJ and being slightly on the autism spectrum, I know what it is like to be a " weirdo". At my age of close to 40 years old, this " otherness" status does not bother me. As a matter of fact, after recently seeing how some  so-called ' cool kids' act, I am grateful that I've never been part of any In Crowd.


I've always been the sort of woman and girl who prefers the company of guys rather than that of my own gender. When guys are mean to you , one KNOWS one is being bullied. This is not so with girls and women. Female humans can be truly vicious creatures, and most of the time these attacks are not brought on by someone defending her young.


I can recall countless instances in school when my intuition KNEW that some girls were trying to bullshit me yet my lack to social insight did not let me identify exactly WHAT the bullshit was about. As I've matured in age and experience , I'm slightly better at determining the source of social bullshit but still feel deep sorrow when I am bullied, excluded or otherwise made to feel "less than".


Eleanor Roosevelt said " No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."


Preach it, sister, preach it!


If someone doesn't want me around, I can tell. and I've grown beyond giving much merit to such narrow minded people who need to be cruel to me [ or anyone else] so that they can feel better about who THEY are.


Yo Bullies and Mean Girls, I am sorry that you hate yourselves so much. But how is making  ME  feel shitty about who I am stoke YOUR ego?


When adults bully or exclude me, I am hurt. It sucks for someone to remind me that there are petty, childish people in this world. Of course no one is perfect, but grown men and women who intentionally seek to belittle others both anger and sadden me.


Yet I've learned that how these people treat others says a hell of a lot more about the state of THEIR self-esteem than about me. After years of not listening to my mother telling me so, I've learned that bullies pick on people whom they perceive as weaker or different in order to boost their already fragile egos. I do not understand why these people must hurt someone else in order to make themselves feel ' important' { whatever the hell THAT means}but their issues are not MY issues.


 I've also learned that women and men who continue to bully others well into adulthood hang out with others who behave in a similar manner.  The concept of Mean Girls { and guys} extends throughout the lifespan. While I am sure that most  children and teens who bully others grow into fine adults , I know from experience that some refuse to give up the cliquish separations that are so pervasive in  middle and high schools. This is sad to me that some people peak at 16 years of age, but their issues should not be my problem. Actually, their insecurities are NOT my problem. Life is too short to deal with bullshit.


The end.

2015 so far

It is the middle of January and I am just NOW blogging. These past few weeks have been full of shitty stress, what with the holidays and other such happenings occurring. I am sorry that I have not updated yinz via this blog, but rest assured that I am alive and kicking here in the Deep South. After 17 years of life here in Northwest Florida, I am resigned that this is where God wants me to be at this time in my life. however, I am planning not one but TWO trips back to my beloved mountains this year. [ happy happy] stay tuned to this very blog for more information....


As it turns out, due to an injury in my cervical spine, I have not finished the novel I'd started in November.  Have no fear, friends, I fully intend to finish said novel.  My participating in National Novel Writing Month is fun, but if I am as honest as I try to be I know it is damn well impossible for me to complete 50000 words in 30 days.


The big news is; I am going to be an auntie again. Brother and SIL announced over the holidays that they are expecting baby #2 this summer. Aunthood rocks, and I am so excited to prepare for the arrival of my next niece or nephew.


Best Dude and I are still loving life together. we celebrated our 4th anniversary of non-marriage earlier this month , and I can honestly say that I am blessed beyond belief with such an amazing life partner. While I am DELIGHTED that gay and lesbian people in this state can now legally marry, I for one do not need a piece of paper issued from the government to validate that Best Dude and I are indeed  " one".


I am currently training for a 5k race to be ran in March. so far, my personal best record is EXACTLY 32 minutes. My pre-race goal is 30 minutes or under, and if I stay healthy, I just might accomplish this goal by race day!


Although I've been a member of my current gym for a year now I've not found a training buddy. I'm also ok with training alone, especially since I can now listen to commercial-free music on my NEW Samsung galaxy 5s smartphone.


[ drum roll please....}


Best Dude and I joined the 21st century this past Christmas by getting smartphone.  To be honest, said phone is my latest obsession; the thing does damn well EVERYTHING. I love it!


Happy New Year!

" Mean" by Taylor Swift

This song has been my " earworm" since Thursday. Thank you, Taylor Swift, for articulating what I cannot say. Bullies continue into adulthood. Parenthetical comments are mine. All yrics are Taylor Swift's and I do not own them.


"Mean"

You, with your words like knives
And swords and weapons that you use against me { Words words words....}
You have knocked me off my feet again { knocked me off when I am down}
Got me feeling like I'm nothing  ( again}
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard{ Hahaha so true}
Calling me out when I'm wounded
You picking on the weaker man { or woman}

You can take me down with just one single blow ( But I get right up}
But you don't know, what you don't know...

Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me [ Can't hit me now...I'm taller than you}
And all you're ever gonna be is mean { all you ever were is mean Shame on me for not seeing it earlier}
Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides
And your wildfire lies and your humiliation {Immature backstabbing b____ ! }
You have pointed out my flaws again
As if I don't already see them { I am not perfect, but YOU think you are!!}
I walk with my head down
Trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again { I was feeling fine til you yelled at me}

I bet you got pushed around
Somebody made you cold [ Ain't my fault}
But the cycle ends right now { This ain't high school, chika!}
'Cause you can't lead me down that road { 4 years of hell known as high school was over 20 years ago for me. No more.}
And you don't know, what you don't know...

Someday I'll be living in a big ol' city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now in a bar
Talking over a football game
With that same big loud opinion
But nobody's listening
Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things
Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing { Teach...apparently I can't teach!}
But all you are is mean

All you are is mean
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life { Liar, two faced, hopeless, immature, MEAN}
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

But someday I'll be living in a big ol' city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Quote of the day.

Hi, my name is Sarah Beth and I am addicted to quotes. Today one came across my Facebook page that I HAD to share, both on my personal page, via email, and here with my blog readers.


Sister Joan, Chissiter , a spiritual hero of mine, addressed a crowd at Wessally College . Here is part of what she told the packed " house' gathered to listen to the wisdom from the 78-year-old Catholic nun.




Without further ado, here is the promised quote:




"Choose what’s best in life over what is comfortable. Chose witness in life over the country club scene … Find a purpose large enough on which to spend yourselves. Torture, climate change, something that says, ‘my life isn’t over. This is yet to be done.’ What will they remember about you when you’re gone? What are you doing now that will not be forgotten"




This reminds me of what Jesus says in His famous Sermon On The Mount. Jesus does not call His followers to be complacent. we are not supposed to sit idle when there is so much injustice happening in our world.  We are called to be agents of healthy change, to be peacemakers in a world filled with wars and other conflicts. We are called to be meek...and by meek I DO NOT mean " weak" and to not seek revenge when wronged upon.


We are called to care for the earth and all its inhabitants. We are called to get out of ourselves and see how we can be of service to others.  We are called to love and honor all persons, even those whose lifestyles make no sense to us. A Christians, we are called to LOVE each other---- in spite of petty differences of opinions, lifestyles, political affiliations, ect.


Rather on focusing on what divides us, we should focus on solving problems that affect all of humanity. As we move towards the beginning of another calendar year, let us remember to live a life that matters. Don't live life for yourself, try instead to BE a change that is much needed right now.


Amen.

An open letter to bullies...anyone who is or has been a bully.

Dear former and current bullies....


Why did/do you feel the need to put others down in order to make yourself feel superior? After all, we are all human mammals and all our shit stinks. What gives YOU the right to torment those of us that you see or saw as weak or somehow " less than" ? Is it because secretly we possess a quality that you wish you could have? Is it because someone mistreats or mistreated you?  Or are you just MEAN by nature?


None of these are good excuses to be a bully. You may not like or understand your past or current victims, but that does not give you the right to torment and humiliate us.  We are all different, but we share the same humanity. If YOU were bullied, why do you inflict pain onto others? And by the way, not all of us who suffered or are suffering from bullying end up tormenting others. Some of us have integrity and know how WRONG such behavior is and how it affects victims throughout our lives.


Oh, you do not think that your actions have affected or will affect us , your victims, as we continue to live our lives.


WRONG WRONG WRONG! 


Those of us who were bullied as young people ARE affected every day by your actions that occurred so long ago. I harbor many bad memories of " mean girls" and mean boys in school that have made me cynical, suspicious and guarded. I do not trust people easily, and when betrayed, cannot forgive those who hurt me. It has taken me YEARS to find my own self-worth that was destroyed by your " fun" had at my expense. Thank to your " fun" I now suffer from neurosis that make me very hard to get to know.


Why? Thank to you, I  am careful whom I let into my life. Although I know many people, I consider precious few of them as friends. Your actions taught me that people do not always say what they mean nor do they mean what they say.


Because of my autism, it is even harder for me to decode social situations, and I would much rather  stay within my own mind than engage with stranger who could become friends or, as you bullying types are so fond of doing, become my " frenemies." The latter are the worst type of bullies, as it is never known which of the " faces" we victims will see at any given hour or day.


I've forgiven, but not forgotten. My hope is that my nephew's generation will not know the evils of bullying and its effects on its victims, but I realize that my hope is lofty at best. Although I am far from perfect, I strive to learn and grow each day. And I can honestly say that I've never treated anyone as poorly as you treated your victims.


Be nice,


Sarah Beth