2015 so far

It is the middle of January and I am just NOW blogging. These past few weeks have been full of shitty stress, what with the holidays and other such happenings occurring. I am sorry that I have not updated yinz via this blog, but rest assured that I am alive and kicking here in the Deep South. After 17 years of life here in Northwest Florida, I am resigned that this is where God wants me to be at this time in my life. however, I am planning not one but TWO trips back to my beloved mountains this year. [ happy happy] stay tuned to this very blog for more information....


As it turns out, due to an injury in my cervical spine, I have not finished the novel I'd started in November.  Have no fear, friends, I fully intend to finish said novel.  My participating in National Novel Writing Month is fun, but if I am as honest as I try to be I know it is damn well impossible for me to complete 50000 words in 30 days.


The big news is; I am going to be an auntie again. Brother and SIL announced over the holidays that they are expecting baby #2 this summer. Aunthood rocks, and I am so excited to prepare for the arrival of my next niece or nephew.


Best Dude and I are still loving life together. we celebrated our 4th anniversary of non-marriage earlier this month , and I can honestly say that I am blessed beyond belief with such an amazing life partner. While I am DELIGHTED that gay and lesbian people in this state can now legally marry, I for one do not need a piece of paper issued from the government to validate that Best Dude and I are indeed  " one".


I am currently training for a 5k race to be ran in March. so far, my personal best record is EXACTLY 32 minutes. My pre-race goal is 30 minutes or under, and if I stay healthy, I just might accomplish this goal by race day!


Although I've been a member of my current gym for a year now I've not found a training buddy. I'm also ok with training alone, especially since I can now listen to commercial-free music on my NEW Samsung galaxy 5s smartphone.


[ drum roll please....}


Best Dude and I joined the 21st century this past Christmas by getting smartphone.  To be honest, said phone is my latest obsession; the thing does damn well EVERYTHING. I love it!


Happy New Year!

negativity...ain't got time for that...and this means on Facebook too!

I've been struggling with some deep philosophical and medical { uh---mostly due to the fact that yours truly isn't a ' spring chicken' anymore} lately. As a result, I have not been " myself{ whatever that might mean!} for a few weeks. Spring is finally coming to the Florida Gulf Coast, and I need to do some Spring Cleaning and remove toxic individuals from my online & real-time life.


Sigh.


While I am not at liberty to discuss the individuals & the problems they cause via the World Wide Web, I CAN discuss how I chose to deal with said individual. I am just NOT talking to him/her anymore. This individual has not {yet} done anything to me personally , but when one hurts those I love, one hurts ME!


No one has time for petty mind games & power-brokering. I do not want such nonsense to continue to poison me & if rejecting this person online & keeping my face-to-face communication with him/her at a bare minimum, so be it.


 Although I will not go " quite " as far as to ignore this person's existence when I see them, I am not going to engage them in conversation. I also" unfriended" said individual on Facebook. the way I see it is that if she/he is causing me undue stress IRL, then I do not want her privy to my Facebook communications & activities either. This individual is sneaky & manipulative and the last thing I want to deal with is Facebook drama from them.


Seeya...& don't let the virtual door hit ya on the way out!

I am not "The Biggest Loser" I am Fit & Healthy.

I am not a fan of the " reality show" on TV called " The Biggest Loser". Now I know many people find this show inspirational, but for me it dredges out many of my since-buried issues with body dysmorphia & disordered eating. While I suppose that I can see how some people glean hope from watching these people transform themselves on this " reality game show" it leaves me with some painful memories.


I have always been a thin person. Both of my parents are thin & even as a baby I lacked even most of the customary " baby fat". 


Due to some unforeseen circumstances , and in spite of my long & lean body type, I developed  disordered eating as a middle-schooler. I am not 100 percent positive of the trigger of this condition, but I am almost certain that two major back surgeries were the catalyst for my unsatisfactory body image.


I know, MOST teen girls hate their looks. But having spent 21 days flat on my back and naked save for a thin hospital gown followed by 10 months in a back brace worn from my shoulder blades down to my tailbone probably exaggerated my unhappiness with my body.


To make a long story shorter, I developed disordered eating.


I was thin , weak and with poor coloring, weak hair and nails, and in a perpetual bad mood. I focused so much on counting calories and "fighting fat" that I missed out on a lot of my younger life.




This condition plagued me from my early teenage years until well into my third decade. It was not until I finally decided that bone-thin DOES NOT equal health & vitality did I choose to change my lifestyle. 


I train at a gym 3-4 days per week, but my goals DO NOT include weight loss. For me, training is not to control my weight. Rather, I seek to improve my body's function.  As hard as I train, I do not follow any particular eating plan. I eat what I want & when I want to eat it. My secret is so easy: I practice PORTION CONTROL.


Yes sir & ma'am it is THAT EASY.


I eat sweets...as a matter of fact I am a choco-holic. Do I eat a whole huge bag of chocolate M&M's? No. I'll enjoy a handful of candy or one piece of pie or cake. On days that I train at the gym, I consume extra calories to make up for the fuel burned when I'm trying hard to build muscle. I NEVER skip meals.


Yet staying away from the mentality of disordered eating is a struggle. On some days{ especially during the busy Christmas holiday season} I struggle daily with these old thought patterns. the difference is that I now know that such disordered thoughts are unhealthy & I've the practical & spiritual wisdom to combat these thoughts.


It bothers me that society won't engage in a discourse about the perils of disordered eating. I KNOW I am not the only person whom I know with these particular "demons" yet no one willingly says" me too".  I wish there were a Disordered Eating Anonymous 12-step program to help those of us in recovery. I believe that I can be of help to women and men who are still in the early stages of recovery but these is no national organization that connects disordered eaters with " sponsors" in their local community. I've known people who go to other 12 step programs & I am told that these programs WORK.


I've found strength, support & solace from my faith community . But I know that "religion" isn't for everyone , so I wish I could make an effort to reach more people who need help with disordered eating.


Amen.

New Gym, New year

Due to unforeseen circumstances that were NOT my fault, I had to join a new gym this year.


Anyhow Snap Fitness offers a one-month free full membership to their franchise. Naturally, since I must be frugal with finances, I happily took full advantage of the free month with the full intent of joining when my trial period is over.


I am currently in search of a gym partner at the current facility. I miss Gym Buddy terribly, even though it is MUCH nicer to train in a drama-free environment. :O) So if any of **yinz** local people want to join me at Snap Fitness, please email or call me. Normally I am NOT a fan of any sort of "change" in my life but this new gym seems to be good thus far. I do wish it offered shower/locker rooms.


Today I focused on legs, with doing the " cardio" part of my training on the elliptical machine. Previously I've shied away from this machine for about 6 months in an attempt to get my bad leg healed. This morning's elliptical workout did my knees some good---I've definitely become stronger since my last 6 month's workout schedule has been dedicated to strengthening the muscles surrounding the weak left knee. I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and feel GOOD! 


I've also increased my personal best on the bench press by 5 pounds. Wh00t!


It is such a blessing to be healthy and fit.


Amen.

Introverts are awesome

I'm introverted. In addition to having mild autism, I am also naturally introverted. It is not that I do not like people, it is just that constant and meaningless " chitchat" drains my energy.

Some people with autism are very extroverted and I am sure they have their own unique struggles. But as an introverted person on the autism spectrum, I have the "double trouble" of not understanding people and also feeling physically & emotionally " drained" by prolonged social interactions.

I enjoy meaningful conversations with my closest friends { both online & in person} But parties and other such events drain my energy  and leave me tired , grumpy and in the worst cases, feeling physically ill.  Small groups of people whom I know are tolerable & sometimes even fun but I will never master the art of "small talk".

While introversion is a prized trait in some cultures of the world, but not so much in our fast-paced " Western" culture.  Its often the quiet ones who are overlooked in favor of their equally-qualified colleagues when it comes to promotions. Since we introverts do not do well in the " networking" arena, its hard for us to find our {carefully-thought-out}words before an extrovert easily chats up the very person with whom we had hoped to communicate.

Politics of any sort can be a horrible experience for we introverts. Even  something as an election to a church governing board puts us at a disadvantage since we are uncomfortable with chit-chat. Best Dude pointed out to me once that people will vote for who they know & since yours truly does not do idle talk very well, not many really KNOW me or my ideas.  Of course I have ideas---but since I'm not a talker, I am uncomfortable with sharing said ideas with casual acquaintances.

I'm happy with who I am. But I do wish that the extroverts in my life would realize that there is a lot more to me than they realize.

Heir Watch & other strange pop cultural fascinations by we Americans

I just do not understand the fascination that some Americans have with the British royalty.

After all, did we not declare our independence from the British throne back in 1776?

Now don't get me wrong, I am happy for Prince William and the duchess. I can also understand my British friends' fascination with Baby Royal. Yet as an American I am befuddled by my fellow & sister Americans' desire to follow the members of the House of Windsor.

Heir Watch is just one pop culture phenomena that confuses me.

Another pop culture sensation that I do not understand is the popularity of TLC's "reality TV show" _Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo" What is so special about this " beauty pageant" contestant & her parents that she's known now by her silly nickname?  Granted, I cop to watching some silly " reality TV" { for instance, I LOVE A&E's _Duck Dynasty_} But I fail to understand the appeal of a reality show starring a spoilt 7-year-old child & her parents.  But again, I still fail to comprehend the popularity of the Kardashians. Can someone please tell me why these women are famous? Thanks. :O)

While we are on the subject of strange social phenomena, can someone please explain why " Flash mobs" occur & why  so-called " spontaneous" dancing by large groups of people in a public place is done at all?

Maybe my autism prevents me from understanding why " pop culture" is so intriguing to many people?  Perhaps I will seek out some scholarly research on the sociological implications popular culture trends.  I find that I understand social & personal behavior of humans if I view it from a more scientific point of view.

Today's " Wisdom" Meme

Today I found a great " meme" on a friend's Pinterest page.

Here it is:

Omigosh, this is TOTALLY describing me.  As a person with autism, my " social skills" are not " up to par" with my peers' , but I  CAN carry on a deep conversation with one person. Crowds  " unhinge" me I feel literally lost  among all of the human voices bombarding my brain. After a few minutes in a crowded room, all the voices tend to blend together into a humming noise which I can best describe as a hive full of bees.

I am NOT good with crowds & I HATE " small talk" .  People tell me that all I need to do to make " small talk" is *ask someone about him/herself*Sometimes I do this, and I feel " smothered" by the chatter of the person with whom I am making small talk. yet on the other hand, if I  share an interest with someone, the dreaded small talk becomes a real conversation & I do much better with social situations.

It is true that I express my thoughts better in writing than verbally. One of the reasons that I started blogging is that I literally feel " tongue tied" when I attempt to express my ideas.

Another coping mechanism-turned hobby I've picked up over the years is photography. I've discovered that I cope with large crowds MUCH better if I carry around a camera.

We introverts are not asocial....we are selectively social.

Camming it up

Last evening I updated my Skype account. This was NOT an easy undertaking, but now I've all my Skype settings to where I want them .

Since I do not yet own a web cam, I'm in the market for an inexpensive yet easy-to-use unit that will be compatible with my Windows XP laptop. I do not need anything too fancy or with a lot of pixels, I just want to have the capability to Skype-talk with family & friends who live far away.  In the future I am hoping to have the capabilities to participate in web-conferencing via Skype.

I'm not good with deducing facial inflections, so Skyping via web cam can be an exercise in attempting to further understand the mystery{ to me at least} that is the human face.

Can anyone let me know which web-camera I should buy to best suit my needs? Thanks .

My favorite " thin place"

According to my rector, a " thin pace" is a place where one feels closest to God.  In my life both in the mountains and n the coast I've been blessed with several such places.

Shoreline Park and Fort Pickens National Seashore in Gulf Breeze, Florida { somewhat near where I live now} are two such local " thin places".

However, there is one place that is, to me, extra-"thin".

My godparents' lake , campground and cabins area , situated on over 100o acres of gorgeous Appalachian foothills in eastern Ohio is my most- special place. Although my teen years were generally unhappy{ mostly punctuated by A LOT of bullying and several doctors' visits { in an attempt to figure out "what is wrong with Sarah"}

The place where I feel closest To God is Austin Lake.  It is true that I * never* want to move back to Ohio or Pennsylvania, but the property surrounding this lake holds some of my best memories. Every summer I look forward to travelling here .  I've discovered that vacation need not be full of a planned agenda : I much rather prefer time away to re-charge. When I am here, there is never a planned agenda: and I am contend t just " be"  at the Lake.

My autism makes  travel difficult. When I { eventually} arrive at the Lake, the pain { literally} of the sensory input overdrive will be worth it.  Where else can one wake in the morning, sip tea on a porch overlooking some beautiful Appalachian woodlands and later read Morning Prayer while sitting in a kayak on a clear lake?

I see this EVERY morning when I'm visiting the Lake. Can you understand why this place is so" thin"? :O)

I

Coastal hiking is not the same  as hiking these hills.

" Where I come from/ we rode in TRUCKS."~ country singer Luke Bryan

Beach in January

I checked my Facebook & saw that the family & friends up there in Appalachia are pretty much snowed in.
Since I grew up in the Snow Belt I understand their frustration.

This morning  I went to the beach after I attended my gym session. It was a perfect day for walking on the beach with my new Nikon camera. I wore a pair of long " gym pants", a t-shirt and a light jacket. At the end of my walk I had to remove my jacket , it was too warm in the sun!

AWESOME!

Until today I had not been to our local beach in many weeks, so I am especially glad that I took the opportunity to enjoy our local Gulf beach today.

I do admit that I miss my mountains up North---ESPECIALLY during the seemingly endless and miserably humid Florida summers. Yuck.Yuck.Yuck.

Humidity here in  in inescapable  in the summer months  and our " summer" seas lasts from May -October. My annual trip to my godparents' Lake in rural Eastern Ohio is my respite from the oppressing humidity that comprise Florida summers.

I like snow, but since I came of age up north I learned quickly to not like ICE on the roads.

It is dangerous to drive on icy roads and I do not miss the stress that worrying about someone while waiting for them to drive home on icy mountain roads. When we lived in eastern Ohio my Dad's commute from work included a long stretch of driving on icy and { in some places} narrow , rural mountain roads. I am not kidding--- it is scary and especially scary after dark.

This was my view this morning when I went outside for a walk:

My new Nikon is so good, hat the photos I took at the beach required little editing. The individual file sizes are huge, so its essential to at least employ a wee bit of cropping. When I email my photo files taken with the Nikon I found out that I cannot attach more than four files.  My " old" camera is a Canon PowerSht and , although a good " beginner's" camera I am grateful for my new Nikon. Of course I a still discovering it features...I've yet to attempt to take video.

Locked-in & No Meds

Last night I staffed { along with two other brave adults} a lock-in at the parish hall of my Episcopal church. The teens  arrived around 9 PM & we kept them busy until they all fell asleep while watching a movie on a DVD.

Anyhow, a good time was had by all. But I am super-tired...ZZZ.

I take three different medications to manage my autism & the anxiety it causes me.  My medicines together give me the effect of sleeping soundly & falling asleep quickly. Well, it is pointless for an adult at a youth group lock-in to be sleepy or asleep , so I did not take my meds last night, save for one of the anti anxiety pills just to calm my nerves.

Meds work to help me mange my autism but I still do not advocate medicating children with autism.  First of all, pharmacology is NOT an exact science--and I would not{ based on my own experiences} even call it an art. Pharmaceuticals are, in my experience, a big crap shoot with too many variables.  I've been on & off many different combinations of prescription drugs since my early teen years.  Changing medications as much as I did can really confused with taking different meds. Each medication has its own list of side effects& even now I must be careful & ever mindful of not mixing certain OTC or prescriptions with what I normally take daily.

Side effects of the medications also affect my appetite. One of the meds I take decreases my appetite while the other one allegedly INCREASES one's appetite. Um, not for me it does not!

Its a mixed blessing to take medication. For m, the benefits outweigh the trouble but it isn't a " cure-all". Nor do I wish to be " cured" if such a " cure " for autism existed.  Medications just are a tool for me o live my life to the fullest.

Carpe Diem, my friends!

Ensuring health

I've been a bit sick these past two days & I hate illness.

Anyhow, when I did my weekly weigh-in this morning, I realized that I lost two pounds of my already slender fame. We're concerned , so Best Dude &  went to the local Wal-Mart {YUCKY} and bought some Ensure to supplement my meals.

Until now, my post-workout drink of choice has been Muscle Milk.   Someone told me that drinking Ensure post-workout is better: this product as 100 more carefully-formulated calories than does Muscle Milk.  I am not sure yet if I'll like the taste of this new supplement, but I am committed to drinking all of it. If it is not condusive to my taste buds I will find another supplement.

Part of autism for many people includes various gastrointestinal problems. I am not an exception to this fate: my intestinal tract is sensitive , as is my stomach. When I  over-eat in one sitting, I feel ill. Certain foods also adversely affect my lower intestines. Some people with autism follow special diets, but I choose to eat a sensible, healthy diet.

My metabolism makes gaining wight difficult & I hate when people judge me { they think I am anorexic!} based on my Body Mass Index.

Quotable quote

I saw a graphic on Facebook today that really " rings true" to me. It says:

" One of the biggest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that's trying to make you like everyone else"~ Anonymous.

To a person with autism this statement is particularly pertinent. People with autism's brains work differently, therefore we ARE different. People with autism were born with autism & it is part of who we are.

Growing up, I always wanted to be like all the other children in my school. I did well academically, but socially could not " connect" with my classmates.  Since my social skills lacked, I was an outcast from my early school days. Boys ignored me but girls were cruel. Even now, I struggle with maintaining & initiating friendships with women Men, to me, are " better" friendship material. { of course since my social skills are lacking, " dating" as a teen was a debacle. As a matter of fact, in middle & high school my crush was on one of y closest guy friends....and naturally I never told him that I wanted to be more than friends.

It is hard to be that proverbial square peg in a round hole. Yet as I've matured I've realized that humanity's diversity is a Blessing.  However, I wish that the majority of people would accept that different is not less.

Shopping , with someone with Autism

Best Dude & I are on a quest to find a tablet computer for him. Last year for Christmas  he bought me a NOOK Color tablet , and I love it. He, on the other hand , is searching for a tablet that is a lot less " e-reader" & more "professional".

Anyhow , today we went on our second search for a tablet for Best Dude. he pretty much knows which brand & style of tablet hat he wants , but the only place we've been able to find the particular tablet is ...WalMart

Yup.

Anyhow, today's journey took us to not one,but TWO different WalMarts.

One of the ways that autism manifests itself is those of us with the condition is issues with sensory "input". Many of us live with  either under-stimulated  sensory input or { more common & part of what I deal with daily} over-stimulation.

Bright lights literally hurt my eyes. Often, these stores are not acoustically-designed, so the noise comes to my ears simultaneously { I am extremely sensitive to auditory stimulation} Also, crows tend to make me fee like cortisone is flooding out my arteries & veins.

Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

Shopping all day overwhelms me.  But, I've noticed that I cope with the over-stimulation of First World mega-stores better now than I've *ever*done in the past.  Shopping is not my forte, but in our society we cannot hunt, grow or manually create the goods we need.

I still cannot enter a Sams' Club or Costco without wanting to give into a " meltdown", but WalMart, Lowe's & other such " big box" establishments are now do-able.  Even if  I no longer experience actual " meltdowns", there are certain behaviors  that are indicative of my sensory stress. For example, I  twirl my hair.


I am, unlike many women, not a recreational shopper. My shopping methodology , if I had my dithers, would be
1. Make a specific list of what I need to buy.
2. Go to just the stores that might or do carry items sought.
3. Go directly to the department/aisle
4.Get what I need ,pay for it  get the heck out of the store.

Most people, unless they live with someone of autism, cannot comprehend the reality of sensory issues.  I know some people with autism who SEEK sensory stimulation & I am sure they also deal with issues similar to mine. But I can speak firsthand as someone who is sensory-AVOIDANT & our sensory-saturated society is challenging. However, the blessing I enjoy as a result of my autism far outweigh the struggles I deal with daily.

I am, as Temple Grandin's Mom said " DIFFERENT, NOT LESS."

Amen.