I am not "The Biggest Loser" I am Fit & Healthy.

I am not a fan of the " reality show" on TV called " The Biggest Loser". Now I know many people find this show inspirational, but for me it dredges out many of my since-buried issues with body dysmorphia & disordered eating. While I suppose that I can see how some people glean hope from watching these people transform themselves on this " reality game show" it leaves me with some painful memories.


I have always been a thin person. Both of my parents are thin & even as a baby I lacked even most of the customary " baby fat". 


Due to some unforeseen circumstances , and in spite of my long & lean body type, I developed  disordered eating as a middle-schooler. I am not 100 percent positive of the trigger of this condition, but I am almost certain that two major back surgeries were the catalyst for my unsatisfactory body image.


I know, MOST teen girls hate their looks. But having spent 21 days flat on my back and naked save for a thin hospital gown followed by 10 months in a back brace worn from my shoulder blades down to my tailbone probably exaggerated my unhappiness with my body.


To make a long story shorter, I developed disordered eating.


I was thin , weak and with poor coloring, weak hair and nails, and in a perpetual bad mood. I focused so much on counting calories and "fighting fat" that I missed out on a lot of my younger life.




This condition plagued me from my early teenage years until well into my third decade. It was not until I finally decided that bone-thin DOES NOT equal health & vitality did I choose to change my lifestyle. 


I train at a gym 3-4 days per week, but my goals DO NOT include weight loss. For me, training is not to control my weight. Rather, I seek to improve my body's function.  As hard as I train, I do not follow any particular eating plan. I eat what I want & when I want to eat it. My secret is so easy: I practice PORTION CONTROL.


Yes sir & ma'am it is THAT EASY.


I eat sweets...as a matter of fact I am a choco-holic. Do I eat a whole huge bag of chocolate M&M's? No. I'll enjoy a handful of candy or one piece of pie or cake. On days that I train at the gym, I consume extra calories to make up for the fuel burned when I'm trying hard to build muscle. I NEVER skip meals.


Yet staying away from the mentality of disordered eating is a struggle. On some days{ especially during the busy Christmas holiday season} I struggle daily with these old thought patterns. the difference is that I now know that such disordered thoughts are unhealthy & I've the practical & spiritual wisdom to combat these thoughts.


It bothers me that society won't engage in a discourse about the perils of disordered eating. I KNOW I am not the only person whom I know with these particular "demons" yet no one willingly says" me too".  I wish there were a Disordered Eating Anonymous 12-step program to help those of us in recovery. I believe that I can be of help to women and men who are still in the early stages of recovery but these is no national organization that connects disordered eaters with " sponsors" in their local community. I've known people who go to other 12 step programs & I am told that these programs WORK.


I've found strength, support & solace from my faith community . But I know that "religion" isn't for everyone , so I wish I could make an effort to reach more people who need help with disordered eating.


Amen.