As usual, a Facebook post led my thoughts to wander down a metaphorical " rabbit hole". As someone whose Myers-Briggs personality type is INFJ and being slightly on the autism spectrum, I know what it is like to be a " weirdo". At my age of close to 40 years old, this " otherness" status does not bother me. As a matter of fact, after recently seeing how some so-called ' cool kids' act, I am grateful that I've never been part of any In Crowd.
I've always been the sort of woman and girl who prefers the company of guys rather than that of my own gender. When guys are mean to you , one KNOWS one is being bullied. This is not so with girls and women. Female humans can be truly vicious creatures, and most of the time these attacks are not brought on by someone defending her young.
I can recall countless instances in school when my intuition KNEW that some girls were trying to bullshit me yet my lack to social insight did not let me identify exactly WHAT the bullshit was about. As I've matured in age and experience , I'm slightly better at determining the source of social bullshit but still feel deep sorrow when I am bullied, excluded or otherwise made to feel "less than".
Eleanor Roosevelt said " No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Preach it, sister, preach it!
If someone doesn't want me around, I can tell. and I've grown beyond giving much merit to such narrow minded people who need to be cruel to me [ or anyone else] so that they can feel better about who THEY are.
Yo Bullies and Mean Girls, I am sorry that you hate yourselves so much. But how is making ME feel shitty about who I am stoke YOUR ego?
When adults bully or exclude me, I am hurt. It sucks for someone to remind me that there are petty, childish people in this world. Of course no one is perfect, but grown men and women who intentionally seek to belittle others both anger and sadden me.
Yet I've learned that how these people treat others says a hell of a lot more about the state of THEIR self-esteem than about me. After years of not listening to my mother telling me so, I've learned that bullies pick on people whom they perceive as weaker or different in order to boost their already fragile egos. I do not understand why these people must hurt someone else in order to make themselves feel ' important' { whatever the hell THAT means}but their issues are not MY issues.
I've also learned that women and men who continue to bully others well into adulthood hang out with others who behave in a similar manner. The concept of Mean Girls { and guys} extends throughout the lifespan. While I am sure that most children and teens who bully others grow into fine adults , I know from experience that some refuse to give up the cliquish separations that are so pervasive in middle and high schools. This is sad to me that some people peak at 16 years of age, but their issues should not be my problem. Actually, their insecurities are NOT my problem. Life is too short to deal with bullshit.
The end.
Showing posts with label growing up different. Show all posts
Showing posts with label growing up different. Show all posts
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Friday, July 11, 2014
Scars
When I was at the tender age of 12 I had two surgeries to correct severe scoliosis of the spine. This ordeal left me with two titanium rods around my spinal column and put me at Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh for three weeks. { Did I mention I was only 12 years old when this happened?}
Anyhow, as if immobilization for 21 days and two MAJOR operations where the surgeon & his team pretty much re-arranged all my innards so to save my back from eventually crippling me{ or worse---apparently unchecked scoliosis can crush a patient's lungs and KILL her or him!!}was not enough torture for a pubescent Pittsburgher I also had to wear a fiberglass brace. This custom-made instrument of torture surrounded my torso and covered me from below my bra-line to underneath my tailbone. I won't even discuss the ugly clothing with elasticized waits and baggy, high-necked shirts & sweaters that this brace forced me to wear .
I carry on my back two large and permanent reminders of my "Seventh Grade Summer from Hell". Two long scars run down my back and around my torso remain permanently etched on my body. While there scars faded with time, they are still visible to those who know where to look for them. For many years, I felt ashamed of these scars, and my shame played a part in the development of an eating disorder that literally took YEARS for me to get into a true remission. To shorten a long story, I let my physical scars play a huge part in how I perceived others' views of me.
Physical scars are a metaphor for some deeper spiritual and emotional scars that many of us carry around. We tend to focus on the painful, awkward and even ugly parts of our walk with Our Lord rather than see them as merely a part of our story. As did my physical scars on my back---our scars on our souls can and will fade with time. Scars on the soul & psyche eventually will be seen as parts of our " story"---important parts for sure but not defining parts.
When I look at myself in the mirror I see ME, not the scars on my back. With time, a lot of love from my family, and years of counseling, I am in remission from my eating disorder. I am looking forward and onward. The same is true for spiritual scars...they can and shall heal. Give yourself time and seek help from God and others. Be kind to yourself. Look in the mirror and tell yourself " I am more than the sums of all my scars."
Amen.
~SEM
Anyhow, as if immobilization for 21 days and two MAJOR operations where the surgeon & his team pretty much re-arranged all my innards so to save my back from eventually crippling me{ or worse---apparently unchecked scoliosis can crush a patient's lungs and KILL her or him!!}was not enough torture for a pubescent Pittsburgher I also had to wear a fiberglass brace. This custom-made instrument of torture surrounded my torso and covered me from below my bra-line to underneath my tailbone. I won't even discuss the ugly clothing with elasticized waits and baggy, high-necked shirts & sweaters that this brace forced me to wear .
I carry on my back two large and permanent reminders of my "Seventh Grade Summer from Hell". Two long scars run down my back and around my torso remain permanently etched on my body. While there scars faded with time, they are still visible to those who know where to look for them. For many years, I felt ashamed of these scars, and my shame played a part in the development of an eating disorder that literally took YEARS for me to get into a true remission. To shorten a long story, I let my physical scars play a huge part in how I perceived others' views of me.
Physical scars are a metaphor for some deeper spiritual and emotional scars that many of us carry around. We tend to focus on the painful, awkward and even ugly parts of our walk with Our Lord rather than see them as merely a part of our story. As did my physical scars on my back---our scars on our souls can and will fade with time. Scars on the soul & psyche eventually will be seen as parts of our " story"---important parts for sure but not defining parts.
When I look at myself in the mirror I see ME, not the scars on my back. With time, a lot of love from my family, and years of counseling, I am in remission from my eating disorder. I am looking forward and onward. The same is true for spiritual scars...they can and shall heal. Give yourself time and seek help from God and others. Be kind to yourself. Look in the mirror and tell yourself " I am more than the sums of all my scars."
Amen.
~SEM
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Mean Girls
I was bulled throughout much of my childhood.
Bullies suck, and I always wondered what will happen to these insecure children who must prey on " weaker" or " different" children in order to find some security.
Mean girls in school become mean girls in adulthood.
Their mode of operations probably will become more sophisticated, but they are the same catty, two-faced wrenches who made the school years of many people a living hell. They group together around one who is perceived as the "Queen Bee" and scan the workplace or other social outlet in today's adult would for a woman whom they perceive as weaker. They appear to befriend their victim, and she, grateful for the companionship, accepts their conditional friendship.
According to the Queen Bee's whim, the group of girls take turns including and excluding their victim. She repeatedly forgives them for their abuse after all, they DO include her { At least half of the time & when the are not whispering about her in clandestine gatherings. No matter how hard she tries, she does not feel totally validated or accepted by her " friends". Until , "egged on by Queen Bee" the Mean Girls do something so hurtful to their victim that she ends up in counseling or starts to exhibit forms of unhealthy behaviors. Eventually the victim DOES break away from the Mean Girls, but she never forgets the abuse by her alleged " friends".
From the playground to the work place & all places where humans gather socially. Mean girls still exist. When they are adults, it is harder to identify their Queen Bee, but rest assured that she is there. Adult Mean Girls are even harder to identify.
Beware.
Bullies suck, and I always wondered what will happen to these insecure children who must prey on " weaker" or " different" children in order to find some security.
Mean girls in school become mean girls in adulthood.
Their mode of operations probably will become more sophisticated, but they are the same catty, two-faced wrenches who made the school years of many people a living hell. They group together around one who is perceived as the "Queen Bee" and scan the workplace or other social outlet in today's adult would for a woman whom they perceive as weaker. They appear to befriend their victim, and she, grateful for the companionship, accepts their conditional friendship.
According to the Queen Bee's whim, the group of girls take turns including and excluding their victim. She repeatedly forgives them for their abuse after all, they DO include her { At least half of the time & when the are not whispering about her in clandestine gatherings. No matter how hard she tries, she does not feel totally validated or accepted by her " friends". Until , "egged on by Queen Bee" the Mean Girls do something so hurtful to their victim that she ends up in counseling or starts to exhibit forms of unhealthy behaviors. Eventually the victim DOES break away from the Mean Girls, but she never forgets the abuse by her alleged " friends".
From the playground to the work place & all places where humans gather socially. Mean girls still exist. When they are adults, it is harder to identify their Queen Bee, but rest assured that she is there. Adult Mean Girls are even harder to identify.
Beware.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Bullying stops here NOW
I take a stand against bullying.
When I graduated from school 20 years ago, bullies tormented victims either in person, using nasty handwritten notes in lockers, or via telephone.
Today's bullies have a whole new slew of tools with which to torture victims.
I am grateful that I grew up before the Internet became a huge part of everyday life.
The effects of bullying affect victims throughout our lives. Although TV's _The Big Bang Theory_ is fictional, the show's main protagonists are all victims of severe bullying & it affects their perception of society.
It is hard to trust people who appear to be kind when one's perceptions have been altered by bullying
Since my tormentors were other girls, I struggle with forming relationships with other women. I never know when someone I meet is being friendly or " catty". My social anxiety is further affected by my slight autism--- I don't understand sarcasm { think " Sheldon Cooper" of _The Big Bang Theory_} and I am very self-conscious when meeting new people.
Yet my experience with bullying has made me an advocate for those who ARE bullied. In my opinion, people should be free to be whom they are without fear of retribution from " the cool kids".
That's all.
.
When I graduated from school 20 years ago, bullies tormented victims either in person, using nasty handwritten notes in lockers, or via telephone.
Today's bullies have a whole new slew of tools with which to torture victims.
I am grateful that I grew up before the Internet became a huge part of everyday life.
The effects of bullying affect victims throughout our lives. Although TV's _The Big Bang Theory_ is fictional, the show's main protagonists are all victims of severe bullying & it affects their perception of society.
It is hard to trust people who appear to be kind when one's perceptions have been altered by bullying
Since my tormentors were other girls, I struggle with forming relationships with other women. I never know when someone I meet is being friendly or " catty". My social anxiety is further affected by my slight autism--- I don't understand sarcasm { think " Sheldon Cooper" of _The Big Bang Theory_} and I am very self-conscious when meeting new people.
Yet my experience with bullying has made me an advocate for those who ARE bullied. In my opinion, people should be free to be whom they are without fear of retribution from " the cool kids".
That's all.
.
Friday, October 4, 2013
NaNoWriMo...I'm in!
This year I am focusing on FUN...and not quality. As a matter of fact this year's genre is a Young Adult Paranormal novel about a coming-of-age female vampire.
Yup. I'm writing a vampire novella.
My heroine, Katharine { or Kat, as she'll be known to my readers} is the anti-Bella Swan. My heroine is strong, confident & ready to fulfill her destiny. Unlike Bella, Kat embraces the changes that fate has forced upon her.
Naturally, my young heroine will have a love interest, but her object of affection will be her 18th Century British Lit professor. He is a tall, dark and handsome....human.
Stay tuned, as I have not yet worked out the details of that plot line yet!
Kat knows that pairings between vampires & humans is forbidden---she herself is the result of a young human man falling in love with an impressionable vampire girl. In order to protect her, Kat's parents placed her with a human family who were childhood friends of her father. Kat loves her foster parents very much, but from the tender age of four, she knew she was inherently different..
Here we go......
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Introverts are awesome
I'm introverted. In addition to having mild autism, I am also naturally introverted. It is not that I do not like people, it is just that constant and meaningless " chitchat" drains my energy.
Some people with autism are very extroverted and I am sure they have their own unique struggles. But as an introverted person on the autism spectrum, I have the "double trouble" of not understanding people and also feeling physically & emotionally " drained" by prolonged social interactions.
I enjoy meaningful conversations with my closest friends { both online & in person} But parties and other such events drain my energy and leave me tired , grumpy and in the worst cases, feeling physically ill. Small groups of people whom I know are tolerable & sometimes even fun but I will never master the art of "small talk".
While introversion is a prized trait in some cultures of the world, but not so much in our fast-paced " Western" culture. Its often the quiet ones who are overlooked in favor of their equally-qualified colleagues when it comes to promotions. Since we introverts do not do well in the " networking" arena, its hard for us to find our {carefully-thought-out}words before an extrovert easily chats up the very person with whom we had hoped to communicate.
Politics of any sort can be a horrible experience for we introverts. Even something as an election to a church governing board puts us at a disadvantage since we are uncomfortable with chit-chat. Best Dude pointed out to me once that people will vote for who they know & since yours truly does not do idle talk very well, not many really KNOW me or my ideas. Of course I have ideas---but since I'm not a talker, I am uncomfortable with sharing said ideas with casual acquaintances.
I'm happy with who I am. But I do wish that the extroverts in my life would realize that there is a lot more to me than they realize.
Some people with autism are very extroverted and I am sure they have their own unique struggles. But as an introverted person on the autism spectrum, I have the "double trouble" of not understanding people and also feeling physically & emotionally " drained" by prolonged social interactions.
I enjoy meaningful conversations with my closest friends { both online & in person} But parties and other such events drain my energy and leave me tired , grumpy and in the worst cases, feeling physically ill. Small groups of people whom I know are tolerable & sometimes even fun but I will never master the art of "small talk".
While introversion is a prized trait in some cultures of the world, but not so much in our fast-paced " Western" culture. Its often the quiet ones who are overlooked in favor of their equally-qualified colleagues when it comes to promotions. Since we introverts do not do well in the " networking" arena, its hard for us to find our {carefully-thought-out}words before an extrovert easily chats up the very person with whom we had hoped to communicate.
Politics of any sort can be a horrible experience for we introverts. Even something as an election to a church governing board puts us at a disadvantage since we are uncomfortable with chit-chat. Best Dude pointed out to me once that people will vote for who they know & since yours truly does not do idle talk very well, not many really KNOW me or my ideas. Of course I have ideas---but since I'm not a talker, I am uncomfortable with sharing said ideas with casual acquaintances.
I'm happy with who I am. But I do wish that the extroverts in my life would realize that there is a lot more to me than they realize.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Prom season & approaching reunions
I am looking at the photos of people's kids' proms on Facebook tonight & have a mixed reaction.
I feel RELIEF.
I am NOT that shy girl that I was when I was in high school--a girl who was so shy she could not even really carry on a flirtatious conversation with a cute boy--let alone ever get asked out on a date. :O( I did not attend either on of my high school proms & never was asked to any other sort of date in high school. Of course I was terribly shy & socially-awkward & my lack of self-confidence showed on my face back then. To be succinct, I was one messed up, depressed, lonely kid. All social aspects of teenage life mystified & bewildered me.
My{ at the time undiagnosed} autism left me as an easy target for bullies by girls & flat-out invisibility to boys. I wanted to " fit in" & at my school juniors & seniors all went to the prom. These proms were HUGE community events at the rural school I attended.
I tried hard to disguise my hurt at being left out of the whole prom experience by faking disdain for the " triviality" of the entire event. When that failed to sooth my sore emotions , I sat in my room on Prom Nights & cried.
Proms, like high school, conjure many bad memories for me. High school was hell on Earth to me.
Secondly, I feel PROUD. 20 years after high school, I am not the Sarah Beth that my classmates probably remember. I am the new & improved Sarah Beth.
Anyhow, my 20th class reunion will occur in the summer of 2014.
And I will not only ATTEND this event, I am actually looking forward to it after almost 20 years of "growing into" myself enough to be confident in who I am. Honestly, part of me wants to " show up" certain " popular" girls whose social status in high school was higher than mine. I take care of myself emotionally, physically, spiritually & accept myself as I am now.
The girls who were mean to me in school did NOT keep me down---and it is because I was so badly bullied that I staunchly oppose any form of prejudice. My bullies allowed for me to experience life{ on some level anyhow} as someone not like the collective " them". I do not look at myself as a victim, but as someone who has overcome adversity by learning to accept herself as she is{ a person with high-functioning autism}& opening my heart to those who are more marginalized than me.Yours truly: a white, straight, Christian , middle-class woman has close friends who happen to be poor, homosexual, non-Caucasian, & of other or no faith groups.
Bring it on, Summer 2014!
I feel RELIEF.
I am NOT that shy girl that I was when I was in high school--a girl who was so shy she could not even really carry on a flirtatious conversation with a cute boy--let alone ever get asked out on a date. :O( I did not attend either on of my high school proms & never was asked to any other sort of date in high school. Of course I was terribly shy & socially-awkward & my lack of self-confidence showed on my face back then. To be succinct, I was one messed up, depressed, lonely kid. All social aspects of teenage life mystified & bewildered me.
My{ at the time undiagnosed} autism left me as an easy target for bullies by girls & flat-out invisibility to boys. I wanted to " fit in" & at my school juniors & seniors all went to the prom. These proms were HUGE community events at the rural school I attended.
I tried hard to disguise my hurt at being left out of the whole prom experience by faking disdain for the " triviality" of the entire event. When that failed to sooth my sore emotions , I sat in my room on Prom Nights & cried.
Proms, like high school, conjure many bad memories for me. High school was hell on Earth to me.
Secondly, I feel PROUD. 20 years after high school, I am not the Sarah Beth that my classmates probably remember. I am the new & improved Sarah Beth.
Anyhow, my 20th class reunion will occur in the summer of 2014.
And I will not only ATTEND this event, I am actually looking forward to it after almost 20 years of "growing into" myself enough to be confident in who I am. Honestly, part of me wants to " show up" certain " popular" girls whose social status in high school was higher than mine. I take care of myself emotionally, physically, spiritually & accept myself as I am now.
The girls who were mean to me in school did NOT keep me down---and it is because I was so badly bullied that I staunchly oppose any form of prejudice. My bullies allowed for me to experience life{ on some level anyhow} as someone not like the collective " them". I do not look at myself as a victim, but as someone who has overcome adversity by learning to accept herself as she is{ a person with high-functioning autism}& opening my heart to those who are more marginalized than me.Yours truly: a white, straight, Christian , middle-class woman has close friends who happen to be poor, homosexual, non-Caucasian, & of other or no faith groups.
Bring it on, Summer 2014!
Sunday, March 10, 2013
"A Light In The Darkness, O God, Help Us Be"
The photo shown below derives its name from the motto of the sorority of which I was a part when I was a student at West Liberty State College { now University} in West Virginia. Kappa Phi is a national Greek-letter organization of college-aged women who strive to live as close to Our Lord Jesus Christ as possible. I did not graduate from West Liberty, but my time there as an active Kappa Phi sister played a major part of who I am now & who I will become. I would have continued my tenure as an active Kappa Phi at The University of West Florida, but there was no established chapter there & at that time in my life all I cared about was working & studying. A sorority, even a Christ-centered one such as Kappa Phi, was not part of my plans for my time at UWF.
I took this photo before Mass this morning & used some basic editing to obtain the desired effects. Lately I've felt contemplative &...dare I say it" dark" and photography is a way in which express my emotions. As do many people with autism, sometimes verbal communication fails me & since I "think in pictures" I wanted to share my thoughts with the world through the medium of photography.
It is hard to be a " light in the darkness" when one faces physical challenges that can pre-suppose oneself to self-pity. Today's homily really made me ponder why I feel like my limitations{ physically not being able to drive is the bgges issue} is a BIG hindrance for me. I've never felt " good enough" because my limitations, while invisible to the unknowing eye, keep me from doing what" normal" American adults can do{ DRIVING A CAR is still my biggest hang-up}
I'm like the jealous brother in today's Gospel parable. It pains me to admit this, but I am. It is hard for me to count my own blessings & easy for me to say" But I WANT_______." "Why must I __________"Why does my brother_______ & I cannot?"
I want what most American adults take for granted, the ability to drive a car & the basic social skills that would allow me to complete tasks such as grocery shopping without feeling sensory overload. Sometimes I hate my autism. To me, it is a huge hindrance to realizing my potential. I'm envious of people with the social skills that can sustain sitting on committees. I wish I could read subtle body language & vocal inflections.
But as I gazed at this photo { after editing it} I realized that ALL Christians are Lights in the Darkness} No matter what we bring to the altar, Christ accepts us & has a ministry ..or two or three for us in Christ's Church Universal. I God's view , I AM " good enough" & I need not envy the gifts that others possess. I should be more like the father in today's parable, welcoming BOTH his sons to the feast. I shouldn't envy others who are " normal" & instead celebrate their gifts as well as my own.
A light in the darkness, O God help us be. Amen.
It is hard to be a " light in the darkness" when one faces physical challenges that can pre-suppose oneself to self-pity. Today's homily really made me ponder why I feel like my limitations{ physically not being able to drive is the bgges issue} is a BIG hindrance for me. I've never felt " good enough" because my limitations, while invisible to the unknowing eye, keep me from doing what" normal" American adults can do{ DRIVING A CAR is still my biggest hang-up}
I'm like the jealous brother in today's Gospel parable. It pains me to admit this, but I am. It is hard for me to count my own blessings & easy for me to say" But I WANT_______." "Why must I __________"Why does my brother_______ & I cannot?"
I want what most American adults take for granted, the ability to drive a car & the basic social skills that would allow me to complete tasks such as grocery shopping without feeling sensory overload. Sometimes I hate my autism. To me, it is a huge hindrance to realizing my potential. I'm envious of people with the social skills that can sustain sitting on committees. I wish I could read subtle body language & vocal inflections.
But as I gazed at this photo { after editing it} I realized that ALL Christians are Lights in the Darkness} No matter what we bring to the altar, Christ accepts us & has a ministry ..or two or three for us in Christ's Church Universal. I God's view , I AM " good enough" & I need not envy the gifts that others possess. I should be more like the father in today's parable, welcoming BOTH his sons to the feast. I shouldn't envy others who are " normal" & instead celebrate their gifts as well as my own.
A light in the darkness, O God help us be. Amen.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
My favorite " thin place"
According to my rector, a " thin pace" is a place where one feels closest to God. In my life both in the mountains and n the coast I've been blessed with several such places.
Shoreline Park and Fort Pickens National Seashore in Gulf Breeze, Florida { somewhat near where I live now} are two such local " thin places".
However, there is one place that is, to me, extra-"thin".
My godparents' lake , campground and cabins area , situated on over 100o acres of gorgeous Appalachian foothills in eastern Ohio is my most- special place. Although my teen years were generally unhappy{ mostly punctuated by A LOT of bullying and several doctors' visits { in an attempt to figure out "what is wrong with Sarah"}
The place where I feel closest To God is Austin Lake. It is true that I * never* want to move back to Ohio or Pennsylvania, but the property surrounding this lake holds some of my best memories. Every summer I look forward to travelling here . I've discovered that vacation need not be full of a planned agenda : I much rather prefer time away to re-charge. When I am here, there is never a planned agenda: and I am contend t just " be" at the Lake.
My autism makes travel difficult. When I { eventually} arrive at the Lake, the pain { literally} of the sensory input overdrive will be worth it. Where else can one wake in the morning, sip tea on a porch overlooking some beautiful Appalachian woodlands and later read Morning Prayer while sitting in a kayak on a clear lake?
I see this EVERY morning when I'm visiting the Lake. Can you understand why this place is so" thin"? :O)
I
" Where I come from/ we rode in TRUCKS."~ country singer Luke Bryan
Shoreline Park and Fort Pickens National Seashore in Gulf Breeze, Florida { somewhat near where I live now} are two such local " thin places".
However, there is one place that is, to me, extra-"thin".
My godparents' lake , campground and cabins area , situated on over 100o acres of gorgeous Appalachian foothills in eastern Ohio is my most- special place. Although my teen years were generally unhappy{ mostly punctuated by A LOT of bullying and several doctors' visits { in an attempt to figure out "what is wrong with Sarah"}
The place where I feel closest To God is Austin Lake. It is true that I * never* want to move back to Ohio or Pennsylvania, but the property surrounding this lake holds some of my best memories. Every summer I look forward to travelling here . I've discovered that vacation need not be full of a planned agenda : I much rather prefer time away to re-charge. When I am here, there is never a planned agenda: and I am contend t just " be" at the Lake.
My autism makes travel difficult. When I { eventually} arrive at the Lake, the pain { literally} of the sensory input overdrive will be worth it. Where else can one wake in the morning, sip tea on a porch overlooking some beautiful Appalachian woodlands and later read Morning Prayer while sitting in a kayak on a clear lake?
I see this EVERY morning when I'm visiting the Lake. Can you understand why this place is so" thin"? :O)
I
Coastal hiking is not the same as hiking these hills.
" Where I come from/ we rode in TRUCKS."~ country singer Luke Bryan
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Quotable quote
I saw a graphic on Facebook today that really " rings true" to me. It says:
" One of the biggest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that's trying to make you like everyone else"~ Anonymous.
To a person with autism this statement is particularly pertinent. People with autism's brains work differently, therefore we ARE different. People with autism were born with autism & it is part of who we are.
Growing up, I always wanted to be like all the other children in my school. I did well academically, but socially could not " connect" with my classmates. Since my social skills lacked, I was an outcast from my early school days. Boys ignored me but girls were cruel. Even now, I struggle with maintaining & initiating friendships with women Men, to me, are " better" friendship material. { of course since my social skills are lacking, " dating" as a teen was a debacle. As a matter of fact, in middle & high school my crush was on one of y closest guy friends....and naturally I never told him that I wanted to be more than friends.
It is hard to be that proverbial square peg in a round hole. Yet as I've matured I've realized that humanity's diversity is a Blessing. However, I wish that the majority of people would accept that different is not less.
" One of the biggest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that's trying to make you like everyone else"~ Anonymous.
To a person with autism this statement is particularly pertinent. People with autism's brains work differently, therefore we ARE different. People with autism were born with autism & it is part of who we are.
Growing up, I always wanted to be like all the other children in my school. I did well academically, but socially could not " connect" with my classmates. Since my social skills lacked, I was an outcast from my early school days. Boys ignored me but girls were cruel. Even now, I struggle with maintaining & initiating friendships with women Men, to me, are " better" friendship material. { of course since my social skills are lacking, " dating" as a teen was a debacle. As a matter of fact, in middle & high school my crush was on one of y closest guy friends....and naturally I never told him that I wanted to be more than friends.
It is hard to be that proverbial square peg in a round hole. Yet as I've matured I've realized that humanity's diversity is a Blessing. However, I wish that the majority of people would accept that different is not less.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
My main focus: Living with Autism
My last blog focus mainly on my spiritual life.
But, at this point in my life I want to make this blog more of a general-purpose blog, with more of a focus on my life as a person with Autism. There are still many myths & misinformation regarding this condition & it is my hope & prayer that my blog will provide somewhat of a n educational experience for my readers.
My faith is a HUGE part of my life, so naturally there will be some faith-based posts every now & then.
In addition to discussing the joys & struggles of living with autism, I will occasionally write about my life BEFORE I was diagnosed { at the ripe old age of...30!}with autism.
Unlike many families whose child { and I am still my parents' " child" even though I'm well into my third decade} who receive a diagnosis of autism, we felt RELIEF. For years, no doctors could figure out " what is wrong with Sarah" Doctors diagnosed me with several mental health condition & prescribed various drugs & psychotherapy to try to make my life better. These efforts were met with very limited success & oftentimes { as with the experiments with psychoactive prescription drugs} downright failure. It was a relief for my family and { especially} myself o know that the set of symptoms I've lived with throughout my lifetime has a legitimate neurological cause.
Please note: I am not asking for pity. My life hasn't taken the " normal" turn that most American parents want for their daughter, but my autism is a blessing that just happens to come with some unusual challenges. I'm strong & am getting stronger every year.
Shalom, y'all.
But, at this point in my life I want to make this blog more of a general-purpose blog, with more of a focus on my life as a person with Autism. There are still many myths & misinformation regarding this condition & it is my hope & prayer that my blog will provide somewhat of a n educational experience for my readers.
My faith is a HUGE part of my life, so naturally there will be some faith-based posts every now & then.
In addition to discussing the joys & struggles of living with autism, I will occasionally write about my life BEFORE I was diagnosed { at the ripe old age of...30!}with autism.
Unlike many families whose child { and I am still my parents' " child" even though I'm well into my third decade} who receive a diagnosis of autism, we felt RELIEF. For years, no doctors could figure out " what is wrong with Sarah" Doctors diagnosed me with several mental health condition & prescribed various drugs & psychotherapy to try to make my life better. These efforts were met with very limited success & oftentimes { as with the experiments with psychoactive prescription drugs} downright failure. It was a relief for my family and { especially} myself o know that the set of symptoms I've lived with throughout my lifetime has a legitimate neurological cause.
Please note: I am not asking for pity. My life hasn't taken the " normal" turn that most American parents want for their daughter, but my autism is a blessing that just happens to come with some unusual challenges. I'm strong & am getting stronger every year.
Shalom, y'all.
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