"A Light In The Darkness, O God, Help Us Be"

The photo shown below  derives its name from the motto of the sorority of which I was a part when I was a student at West Liberty State College { now University} in West Virginia. Kappa Phi is a national Greek-letter organization of college-aged women who strive to live as close to Our Lord Jesus Christ as possible. I did not graduate from West Liberty, but my time there as an active Kappa Phi sister played a major part of who I am now & who I will become. I would have continued my tenure as an active Kappa Phi at The University of West Florida, but there was no established chapter there & at that time in my life all I cared about was working & studying. A sorority, even a Christ-centered one such as Kappa Phi, was not part of my plans for my time at UWF.

I took this photo before Mass this morning & used some basic editing to obtain the desired effects. Lately I've felt contemplative &...dare I say it" dark" and photography is a way in which  express my emotions. As do many people with autism, sometimes verbal communication fails me & since I "think in pictures"  I wanted to share my thoughts with the world through the medium of photography.

It is hard to be a " light in the darkness" when one faces physical challenges that can pre-suppose oneself to self-pity. Today's homily really made me ponder why I feel like my limitations{ physically not being able to drive is the bgges issue} is a BIG hindrance for me. I've never felt " good enough" because my limitations, while invisible to the unknowing eye, keep me from doing what" normal" American adults can do{ DRIVING A CAR is still my biggest hang-up}

I'm like the jealous brother in today's Gospel parable. It pains me to admit this, but I am. It is hard for me to count my own blessings & easy for me to say" But I WANT_______." "Why must I __________"Why does my brother_______ & I cannot?"

I want what most American adults take for granted, the ability to drive a car & the basic social skills that would allow me to complete tasks such as grocery shopping without feeling sensory overload. Sometimes I hate my autism. To me, it is a huge hindrance to realizing my potential. I'm envious of people with the social skills that can sustain sitting on committees.  I wish I could read subtle body language & vocal inflections.

But as I gazed at this photo { after editing it} I realized that ALL Christians are Lights in the Darkness} No matter what we bring to the altar, Christ accepts us & has a ministry ..or two or three for us in Christ's Church Universal. I God's view , I AM " good enough" & I need not envy the gifts that others possess. I should be more like the father in today's parable, welcoming BOTH his sons to the feast. I shouldn't envy others who are " normal" & instead celebrate their gifts as well as my own.

A light in the darkness, O God help us be. Amen.