I am {NOT} a rock. I am {NOT} an island

"I Am A Rock" By Simon & Garfunkel

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

This is one of my all-time favorite songs. As a matter of fact, to me it is the ultimate introvert's anthem.

People scare me. Relationships can be messy. I took sociology as part of my general education requirements in college, and { still} can only see human foibles through the "lens" of social science.  

People baffle & disappoint me .

Groups of people under then influence of a manipulative and/or charismatic leader can turn toxic quickly.

I do not trust easily.

My sensitivity does not allow for me to display my vulnerability.

However, in these past few years, I have discovered that I am NOT a rock NOR an island. People are created to live together in communities & groups.  Even we introverts with autism need some degree of social interaction. I've needed to become vulnerable in order to grow.  I hate feeling helpless and vulnerable but growth occurs sometimes during our weakest moments.

Yesterday was Pentecost. The Christian church celebrates the coming of the Holy Spirit to the disciples.. Note the plural of the last word in the previous sentence. All people are communal by nature, but we Christians are even more communal { or " tribal" as it may be}  than some other people.

As I continue on this journey , I learn who my true " community" is , and I am learning that my community need not be confined to the municipality where I live.  My community is where I am loved with an agape love that asks for nothing in return. I freely give that same love to others in my community.  There should not be restricted giving of love, but all too often I am guilty of freely loving people who are easy to love.  I am guilty of the sin of pride & self-righteousness. Let's be honest---we all lack enough humility to love as Christ commands us to love. We are called to love one another, especially those in our fragile human communities.


Love each other always, but love each other more during times of weakness.


Amen. Alleluia.


Pentecost 2014

negativity...ain't got time for that...and this means on Facebook too!

I've been struggling with some deep philosophical and medical { uh---mostly due to the fact that yours truly isn't a ' spring chicken' anymore} lately. As a result, I have not been " myself{ whatever that might mean!} for a few weeks. Spring is finally coming to the Florida Gulf Coast, and I need to do some Spring Cleaning and remove toxic individuals from my online & real-time life.


Sigh.


While I am not at liberty to discuss the individuals & the problems they cause via the World Wide Web, I CAN discuss how I chose to deal with said individual. I am just NOT talking to him/her anymore. This individual has not {yet} done anything to me personally , but when one hurts those I love, one hurts ME!


No one has time for petty mind games & power-brokering. I do not want such nonsense to continue to poison me & if rejecting this person online & keeping my face-to-face communication with him/her at a bare minimum, so be it.


 Although I will not go " quite " as far as to ignore this person's existence when I see them, I am not going to engage them in conversation. I also" unfriended" said individual on Facebook. the way I see it is that if she/he is causing me undue stress IRL, then I do not want her privy to my Facebook communications & activities either. This individual is sneaky & manipulative and the last thing I want to deal with is Facebook drama from them.


Seeya...& don't let the virtual door hit ya on the way out!

New Gym, New year

Due to unforeseen circumstances that were NOT my fault, I had to join a new gym this year.


Anyhow Snap Fitness offers a one-month free full membership to their franchise. Naturally, since I must be frugal with finances, I happily took full advantage of the free month with the full intent of joining when my trial period is over.


I am currently in search of a gym partner at the current facility. I miss Gym Buddy terribly, even though it is MUCH nicer to train in a drama-free environment. :O) So if any of **yinz** local people want to join me at Snap Fitness, please email or call me. Normally I am NOT a fan of any sort of "change" in my life but this new gym seems to be good thus far. I do wish it offered shower/locker rooms.


Today I focused on legs, with doing the " cardio" part of my training on the elliptical machine. Previously I've shied away from this machine for about 6 months in an attempt to get my bad leg healed. This morning's elliptical workout did my knees some good---I've definitely become stronger since my last 6 month's workout schedule has been dedicated to strengthening the muscles surrounding the weak left knee. I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and feel GOOD! 


I've also increased my personal best on the bench press by 5 pounds. Wh00t!


It is such a blessing to be healthy and fit.


Amen.

Bring on the reunion! It's a wonderful life!

Its a date....my 20th High School Reunion will occur on July 19. It is to be a dress-up affair with a cash bar, food and music.




I'm going.



While I sincerely HOPE that Best Dude can come with me, I've accepted the fact that I might attend my reunion alone. That's OK by me, as I am much more confident than I was as a teen, and I'm pretty damn pleased with my life.






Inasmuch as I HATED high school { save for my time on the sports & Quiz Bowl teams and work summers at The Lake}. My grades for sure did not reflect my intellect, and I spent more time in the vice-principle's office than I care to admit.




I didn't go to either my junior nor senior prom and I attended ONE Homecoming formal { I went " stag " with a girl friend after said guy who DID ask me to the dance bailed on me with some lame-ass excuse.}As a matter of fact, I did not attend a formal dance until First College.


I was lame. I might have been an athlete and taking a hard course load , but I was a " nobody".
Girls were just a little bit mean to me and boys ignored me. My poor self-image led to dangerously disordered eating habits.


I was a mess.


In retrospect, most of my teen angst issues were related to my { then yet undiagnosed} autism coupled with intense introversion. Most of my lunch hours were spent in  vain attempts to become invisible from the rest of the student body and trying hard to work up the courage to talk with Cute Boy. My parents were  wonderful, {as they still are} and tried everything in their knowledge base to help me. Thankfully my small, rural school had some GREAT faculty members who went beyond the call of teacher and tried to help me fit in.


Now at the age of 37.5, I still don't fit in and I am more than okay with being an oddball. I'm blessed with a great boyfriend  who loves me unconditionally. I am totally over the disordered eating and am now on a healthy eating and exercise regime. I am the proud Aunt of an adorable baby nephew and proud fur-parent of a big dog. Best Dude and I keep several chickens in our backyard Both my parents are alive and healthy and I live in FLORIDA!


Life is sweet. I'm going into the 20th reunion with an open mind and without any grudges or otherwise " bad blood" I am not the girl whom I was back in 1994 : I am a healthy , happy version of me with most of the " bugs" worked out of my " operating system".


Amen.

Life begins after 30

There is a meme going around Facebook which, although I am amused by it,  it does not " speak" to my life experiences.

My teenage years & even my 20's basically sucked.  High school & middle school were especially painful for me. Although I met some of my closest friends during my first stink at college, my second decade was not too much better than was my first one.

Some people may wish to relive their youth, but I eagerly anticipate whatever the future holds for me. While I am grateful for the past & all I've learned, I do not desire to relive those years. In a culture that glorifies youth, I choose to look forward to maturing with pride & dignity. At the age of 37, I am in the BEST physical shape that I've ever been! I'm free from the painful dietary restrictions of disordered eating & the correct combinations of medicines  helped me cope with living on the {highly-functioning} autism spectrum.  I'm blessed to be in a relationship with the love of my life. While I will never really consider myself as a Floridian, I'm truly enjoying coastal life

You can keep your youth if you wish to do so. Bring on the future!

Bullying stops here NOW

I take a stand against bullying.

When I graduated from school 20 years ago, bullies tormented victims either in person, using nasty handwritten notes in lockers,  or via telephone.

Today's bullies have a whole new slew of tools with which to torture victims.

I am grateful that I grew up before the Internet became a huge part of everyday life.

The effects of bullying affect victims throughout our lives.  Although TV's _The Big Bang Theory_ is fictional, the show's main protagonists are all victims of severe bullying & it affects their perception of society.

It is hard to trust people who appear to be kind when one's perceptions have been altered by bullying
Since my tormentors were other girls, I struggle with forming relationships with other women. I never know when someone I meet is being friendly or " catty". My social anxiety is further affected by my slight autism--- I don't understand sarcasm { think  " Sheldon Cooper" of _The Big Bang Theory_} and I am very self-conscious when meeting new people.

Yet my experience with bullying has made me an advocate for those who ARE bullied.  In my opinion, people should be free to be whom they are without fear of retribution from " the cool kids".

That's all.
.

My Reason to Relay

I'm more involved in this year's Relay For Life campaign.  Currently I am working with the Survivor/Caregiver committee.

Pictured below is a photo of my Reason To Relay:

The man on the left was my Pap, my paternal grandfather.  He died in 2001 from his second bout of prostate cancer. The man on the right is my Dad. This photo was taken years ago { before I was born} on the island of Martha's Vineyard.

I miss him everyday. Although I was blessed with having Pap in my life for 23 years: his was the first death that really " hit home" for me.

Cancer takes away so many people each year. This hear I also lost a dear friend to his disease & several people I know in my parish are fighting it now.

The American Cancer Society is leading the course for a cure . Will you help me help find a cure for cancer  so that someday everyone will have " more birthdays"? Thanks.

Nothing at all to writing...only blood, sweat & tears

Today's quote is :

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter & bleed." ~Ernest Hemingway

Well, said Old Man of The Sea.

I am still not anywhere near finished with my short story. To be quite honest: I have not looked at it since last month.  I've discovered that writing a work of fiction that is so entangled in some emotional truth in my life is hard.

I WANT to tell this story, and I NEED to tell it. Yet I've had the worst trouble with " writers' block".

Writers' block sucks.

For a few days, I was faithful in my pursuit of literature. I wrote every day, if only a paragraph or two.  I've discovered that the closer I get to the "truth" upon which the fiction is based, the more trouble I find while trying to make the words come.

Yuck.

Writing can be literally PAINFUL. It can call to one's subconscious all sorts of" demons" from one's past. {Especially if said mental demon that is the subject of the work of fiction was not * all bad*}

Sigh.

Introverts are awesome

I'm introverted. In addition to having mild autism, I am also naturally introverted. It is not that I do not like people, it is just that constant and meaningless " chitchat" drains my energy.

Some people with autism are very extroverted and I am sure they have their own unique struggles. But as an introverted person on the autism spectrum, I have the "double trouble" of not understanding people and also feeling physically & emotionally " drained" by prolonged social interactions.

I enjoy meaningful conversations with my closest friends { both online & in person} But parties and other such events drain my energy  and leave me tired , grumpy and in the worst cases, feeling physically ill.  Small groups of people whom I know are tolerable & sometimes even fun but I will never master the art of "small talk".

While introversion is a prized trait in some cultures of the world, but not so much in our fast-paced " Western" culture.  Its often the quiet ones who are overlooked in favor of their equally-qualified colleagues when it comes to promotions. Since we introverts do not do well in the " networking" arena, its hard for us to find our {carefully-thought-out}words before an extrovert easily chats up the very person with whom we had hoped to communicate.

Politics of any sort can be a horrible experience for we introverts. Even  something as an election to a church governing board puts us at a disadvantage since we are uncomfortable with chit-chat. Best Dude pointed out to me once that people will vote for who they know & since yours truly does not do idle talk very well, not many really KNOW me or my ideas.  Of course I have ideas---but since I'm not a talker, I am uncomfortable with sharing said ideas with casual acquaintances.

I'm happy with who I am. But I do wish that the extroverts in my life would realize that there is a lot more to me than they realize.

Things I would tell my 18-year-old self.....

Have you ever wondered what you would tell your younger self if you had a chance to time-travel?

One of my favorite Brad Paisley songs is " Letter To Me" The lyrics basically are a letter to Mr. Paisley's 17-year-old self.

If I could write a letter to myself  during the summer that I graduated from high school, this is what I would say:

Dear 18-year-old Sarah Beth:

Congrats! After four years of hell, you made it through high school.  Much awaits you on this journey called adulthood.

You WILL make it through college: although your post-secondary academic career will take a detour.

Don't worry, your first three years of undergrad will NOT be a waste of time--- you'll meet some of your dearest friends { and your first true love} at Small College. Your faith in God will grow, and Campus Ministries will be instrumental in the development of both your social and spiritual life.  Embrace all the opportunities that your time at Small College offers, both the good & the not-so-good times. Take a variety of demanding courses and do not worry about graduating in four years--- so much more is ahead of you than you can ever imagine as a college freshman.

Cherish the friends you'll make at Small College, as these people will be an emotional " lifeline" later.

Regarding your very first true heartbreak: remember that " if you love something or someone, let him go. If he comes back to you, he's yours. If he doesn't, he was never "yours" in the first place.

Enjoy your time with Pap. Tell him that you love him every chance you see him. No one lives forever. Ditto for Granny Jeanne, she really does love you. Try to ignore her sharp tongue , or better yet---laugh at some of the inane things she says. She won't be around forever either.

Listen to your parents. They really do hold your best interests in mind. There are some things that parental units just * cannot* understand, but know that they love you & only wish for your happiness.

Be open-minded regarding the move to Florida { Yes, you will move to Florida} Embrace what the " Sunshine State" has to offer. It is OK to be homesick, as you are an Appalachian Girl forever, but just know that Florida will eventually endear itself to you.

Follow where the Holy Spirit leads...you'll come to a crisis in your faith life but know that God is always with you. You will be just fine & the existential faith crisis will be the vessel that God uses to bring you to a wonderful faith community. Be not afraid.

Do not worry about meeting the right guy. He is for sure worth the wait! You have so many good years ahead of you.

Live. Laugh. Love.

Sarah at age 37

Various & sundry musings.....

I know it has been awhile since I have composed an update.

It is hot as Hades here in Northwest Florida. I'm still going to the gym faithfully almost every day & I'm REALLY seeing results of my training. This morning I completed the 30-minute pre-set "cardio challenge" on the treadmill **and** followed this intense workout with some lifting. I was tired , but after a rest & a healthy lunch I felt reinvigorated.

Life has been treating me , Best Dude & our dog pretty well lately.

I went to Atlanta last weekend for my sister-in-law's baby shower & it was okay{ I've never been the sort of woman who enjoys bridal or baby showers--but this one WAS for my soon-to-be-born nephew after all!} It was great to get the heck out of Beach Town for a weekend & on Saturday my Original Family & I ate supper at a very hip little diner  that specialized in healthy { and mostly vegetarian} cuisine.

My trip to the mountains will happen in approximately one week. This morning I started gathering clothing that I plan to pack to take with me. Since AirTran charges 25 dollars per trip per luggage, I am squashing everything I need into one carry-on-sized suitcase & my one " personal item" bag. I've done this before & with a bit of planning & access to a laundry facility it is possible.  I have the money to pay these baggage fees, but I object to doing so on principle. Really, I cannot see the reason { other than pure corporate greed} for charging paying passengers an additional fee just to check ONE bag through to one's destination.

Anyhow, that is what has been happening in my life.

Goal number one: MET!!

I had a doctor's appointment{ just a check-up} today. Anyhow, as part of the routine, Dr Personality took my height { I have not grown since 7th grade...} and my weight.

The good news is: I gained enough weight to meet my first goal!

*HappyHappyHappy*

I, a woman who is terrified of needles, now weighs enough to give blood.

I've wanted to give blood for a long time, but my slight weight precluded me from doing so. My Dad is a regular donor of his blood products.

We shall see if I gather enough courage to overcome my fear of needles.

On the eve of my 37th year

I turn 37 this month.

Actually , the date of my birth is celebrated on the 17th

My 20th high school reunion is next summer. { Class of 1994}

This is a time of great reflection for me.

I'm NOT the shy, scrawny  girl that most of my classmates will remember.

These past almost 20 years have seen both joys & sorrows.

But, the old adage is: what won't kill ya will make ya stronger.

Many women fear Time .

I do not: I embrace growing older.

I earned every "laugh line" on my face. I've much to celebrate  during this 37th year.

Perhaps that some people find their 20's to be the best decade in life. This is not true for me: I struggled throughout my second decade just as much as I'd struggled throughout my teen years.

I drifted from job to job & from doctor to doctor: No one knew exactly why my brain works differently & as a result I'd been in & out of various psychotherapies. { both pharmaceutical & other} I struggled with seeking  direction in my spiritual life while feeling entrapped within a toxic faith community.

Thanks be to God that I had the courage to seek out Small Parish & The Episcopal Church.

My parents are true heroes. I am eternally grateful to them for their assistance. Mom & Dad, as they always have went way beyond the parental " call of duty" ---and without their assistance I would most-likely be just another statistic.

Mom was the one who, through an associate she knew , got me tested for autism. Although I DO NOT let my diagnosis of autism define me: it is a part of who I am that I do not deny.

I'm entering my 37th year of life on this Planet Earth in the best physical shape I've ever been. Although I was an athlete{ albeit not a very successful one---especially in basketball}, my poor self-image made me struggle with body dysmorphia.

Not anymore.

My new motto is: STRONG IS THE NEW SKINNY.

I am Woman, so hear me ROAR! Bring it on, 20th high school reunion!

The little red-brick church in Ohio....

Lately I have found myself full of memories. Most of my formative years were rather painful, as I was misdiagnosed with several different mental-health problems & coming-of -age was harder for me than it is for most " neurotypical" people.

But there was one group of people besides my immediate family who always " had my back" { so to speak}

The people of Hill Top Presbyterian Church in rural Ohio, I salute you.

Since both my parents are & were unchurched, I was not baptized until the second year of my first attempt at college. It was a late summer evening late summer when I knocked on the door of the parsonage of the little Presbyterian church within walking distance of my home in Ohio. Normally I wasn't in the habit of knocking on parsonage doors, but I'd felt led by the Spirit Herself to walk myself up that hill & inquire about receiving the Sacrament of Holy Baptism.

When I told Jenny, the minister at the time, of my desire to be baptized, she said:

"Sarah, I have been praying for you to ask about baptism for a long time. Of course I'll baptize you."

Naturally it wasn't quite * that* easy. The Session{ the governing body of a local Presbyterian congregation} had to approve of my baptism.

The date was set for a Sunday morning in early October. I'd come home from college for the weekend & was very excited to be "officially" adopted into the Family of Christ who had nurtured my walk with God for several years.

Although I'm proudly Episcopalian, I'll be forever grateful to the people of Hill Top Church who took  me in as a " spiritual orphan" & formally adopted me into the Family of God.

Its here....my series of Videoblogs....

I posted my first video blog to YouTube.  If you want to follow my, email me privately at Sarahbethstaugs@gmail.com and I'll give you the name of my YouTube channel.

I'm not quite sure how often I will post the video blogs, nor what each post will entail. Some of the ideas that I've brainstormed are:

Books I've read or am currently reading

Current events{ and I promise to not get political , as I HATE politics}

Famous people whose work I admire & why I admire her/his work.

TV shows I watch. { I'm a big fan of NCIS, Duck Dynasty & The Big Bang Theory}

Right now I am thinking about my next vidlog entitled" Front Porch Vidlog: #Episcopalian.  Although I missed the proverbial boat  for the Church's "I am Episcopalian" campaign, it isn't too late for me to post my own video about that subject.

Today's " Wisdom" Meme

Today I found a great " meme" on a friend's Pinterest page.

Here it is:

Omigosh, this is TOTALLY describing me.  As a person with autism, my " social skills" are not " up to par" with my peers' , but I  CAN carry on a deep conversation with one person. Crowds  " unhinge" me I feel literally lost  among all of the human voices bombarding my brain. After a few minutes in a crowded room, all the voices tend to blend together into a humming noise which I can best describe as a hive full of bees.

I am NOT good with crowds & I HATE " small talk" .  People tell me that all I need to do to make " small talk" is *ask someone about him/herself*Sometimes I do this, and I feel " smothered" by the chatter of the person with whom I am making small talk. yet on the other hand, if I  share an interest with someone, the dreaded small talk becomes a real conversation & I do much better with social situations.

It is true that I express my thoughts better in writing than verbally. One of the reasons that I started blogging is that I literally feel " tongue tied" when I attempt to express my ideas.

Another coping mechanism-turned hobby I've picked up over the years is photography. I've discovered that I cope with large crowds MUCH better if I carry around a camera.

We introverts are not asocial....we are selectively social.

Bullies....as seen from a victim's perspective

 April is Autism Awareness Month & I feel moved to discuss bullying. Many people with autism experience bullying in school and { Sadly} this behavior towards those of us with ANY " difference" can continue into adulthood.

I was severely bullied as a child & teen. In retrospect, I know now that my tormentors didn't know how to approach my { at the time unknown but obvious} "difference" & therefore my behavior made me a target for verbal cruelty.

It took me YEARS of therapy & soul-searching, but I am at a place in my life now where I can forgive those who tormented me in school. However, to forgive does not mean that I should FORGET the pain such taunting has caused for me. 

Bullies do not realize the painful memories that their actions impose on victims... we grow up with a distorted self-image. For instance even now I am very sensitive to criticism { even constructive criticism} from others. My autism makes it almost impossible for me to deduce social cues, so I am suspicious of motives of people whom I do not know well.  As I've matured I've grown a bit more aware of social cues{is this REALLY a good thing after all---humans are such emotional creatures!} & am better at recognizing bullies & attempts to bully others.

I hope that my experience with bullying has helped me grow as the person I am & still am becoming. Yet when I see others being bullied or manipulated it " raises my hackles" . There should be no excuse for bullies to continue their cruel behavior into adult life. Yet sadly I have known several such adults in my life & I struggle with accepting them as they are...memories of my school days surface & I get angry.

I've read studies that say that some people who are severely tormented by bullies become bullies later in life but I am living proof that this statistic need not be the norm.  As someone who experienced bullying firsthand how bullying affects some one's life I make a point to encourage ACCEPTANCE of people who are " not like us".

Amen.

Why I am a " Straight Ally"

 The graphic below says it all: I am an ally.

There are many reasons why I am an ally for the CIVIL RIGHTS of our GLBT population.

1. My parents raised me not to hate anyone who is different.

2. In college I met some of the nicest people who just* happened* to be gay/lesbian. Their sexual preference does NOT deter from my capabilities to sustain a friendship with them. Yes. I , as a straight woman, am friends with lesbians. And no I do not fear that they will" hit on me".  I don't find ALL men I meet attractive, so why should gay & lesbian people find someone attractive JUST BECAUSE of their gender?

3. I was born " different" too.

I have autism & I DO NOT let my autism define who I am as a human, so why should people let another's sexual preference define him or her before you have a chance to meet? It makes me angry when I see/hear/read comments regarding people with autism that are based exclusively on generalizations. Unlike many people whom I know & have known, I do NOT think that homosexuality is " learned" nor is it{ in my opinion} a " choice". I did not choose autism--so why would I think that anyone who is GLBT would choose that part of their identity.

4. One of my close relatives is GLBT. Although I've always supported  human rights, my relative's " coming out" has inspired me to take a more vocal stance on equality. It is true that when someone in your family is GLBT, the issue becomes more personal.

5. I do not think that the government should have ANY say in whom consenting adults choose to love. Enough said.

Shalom Chavarim

My mom's family is Jewish...and since tonight will mark the first evening of the Feast of the Passover I want to share the lyrics that I had learned{ isn't life ironic?} as a Presbyterian.

If the truth is to  be told, I didn't take away many " good vibes" from my last couple of years at Southern PCUSA Church, but I admit that some good memories remain with me.

One of the songs we did when I sang in that choir as a recessional song was a Hebrew folk song  the words { in Hebrew}  are something like this:

Shalom chavarim, Shalom chavarim
Shalom, shalom
L'hit rah-oat L'hit-rah-oat
Shalom, shalom!


Here is the rough English translation:

Shalom my friends, shalom, my friends
Til we meet again, til we meet again,
Shalom! Shalom!

On this first night of The Feast of the Passover, may Jews & Christians pray for a spirit of " shalom" to cover the Earth.

Amen.

"Forgive sounds good/ Forget, I don't think I should."

Facebook always asks me " What's on your mind, Sarah?" Well, something has been troubling me for over one week now.

An old couple who used to attend the church I left before coming to The Episcopal Church live on our street. For two years, I've managed to avoid them. I've feared that actually conversing with either one them would stir some bad memories of the last few years when I was active in that other faith community. 

While I was walking  Dogger last week the wife of the house came out to collect the mail.  Instinctually I looked down , hoping that she would not recognize me.

It was too late. .

Her: " Are you Sarah?" { Oh, ****, she finally recognized me}

Me:" Yeah" { Who else could I be??}

Her: "Do you live on this street now?"

Me: Yeah. {ummm, only for the past two years ....DUH!}

Her, noticing my knee brace: "What happened to your knee?"

Me: " Old injury that I re-hurt."{ Y'all haven't talked to me in 5 years and THIS is what you say?}

Her: Well, good to see you."

Me: "Um, sure."

Dogger and I went on our way.

This conversation bothered me. First of all, I am not good at making so-called small talk even in the best of situations. Secondly, this woman had NOT been someone whom I enjoyed being around when I was a part of my ex-faith community.

I have forgiven these people for ostracizing me when I left their community. But, I have not forgotten the pain caused by their ostracising.

Does forgiving mean forgetting?