Scars

When I was at the tender age of 12 I had two surgeries to correct severe scoliosis of the spine. This ordeal left me with two titanium rods around my spinal column and put me at Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh for three weeks. { Did I mention I was only 12 years old when this happened?} 


Anyhow, as if immobilization for 21 days and two MAJOR operations where the surgeon & his team pretty much re-arranged all my innards so to save my back from eventually crippling me{ or worse---apparently unchecked scoliosis can crush a patient's lungs and KILL her or him!!}was not enough torture for a pubescent Pittsburgher I also had to wear a fiberglass brace. This custom-made instrument of torture surrounded my torso and covered me from below my bra-line to underneath my tailbone. I won't even discuss the ugly clothing  with elasticized waits and baggy, high-necked shirts & sweaters that this brace forced me to wear .


I carry on my back two large and permanent reminders of my  "Seventh Grade Summer from Hell". Two long scars run down my back and around my torso remain permanently etched on my body. While there scars faded with time, they are still visible to those who know where to look for them.  For many years, I felt ashamed of these scars, and my shame played a part in the development of an eating disorder that literally took YEARS for me to get into a true remission.  To shorten a long story, I let my physical scars play a huge part in how I perceived others' views of me.


Physical scars are a metaphor for some deeper  spiritual and emotional scars that many of us carry around.  We tend to focus on the painful, awkward and even ugly parts of our walk with Our Lord rather than see them as merely a part of our story. As did my physical scars on my back---our scars on our souls can and will fade with time. Scars on the soul & psyche eventually will be seen as parts of our " story"---important parts for sure but not defining parts.


When I look at myself in the mirror I see ME, not the scars on my back. With time, a lot of love from my family, and years of counseling, I am in remission from my eating disorder. I am looking forward and onward.  The same is true for spiritual scars...they can and shall heal. Give yourself time and seek help from God and others. Be kind to yourself.  Look in the mirror and tell yourself " I am more than the sums of all my scars."


Amen.


~SEM