Prom season & approaching reunions

I am looking at the photos of people's kids' proms  on Facebook tonight & have a mixed reaction.

I feel RELIEF.

 I am NOT that shy girl that I was when I was in high school--a girl who was so shy she could not even really carry on a flirtatious conversation with a cute boy--let alone ever get asked out on a date. :O(  I did not attend either on of my high school proms & never was asked to any other sort of date in high school. Of course I was terribly shy & socially-awkward & my lack of self-confidence showed on my face back then. To be succinct, I was one messed up, depressed, lonely kid.  All social aspects of teenage life mystified & bewildered me.

My{ at the time undiagnosed} autism left me as an easy target for bullies by girls & flat-out invisibility to boys.  I wanted to " fit in" & at my school  juniors & seniors all went to the prom. These proms were HUGE community events at the rural school I attended.

I tried hard to disguise my hurt at being left out of the whole prom experience by  faking disdain for the " triviality" of the entire event. When that failed to sooth my sore emotions , I sat in my room on Prom Nights & cried.

Proms, like high school, conjure many bad memories for me. High school was hell on Earth to me.

Secondly, I feel PROUD. 20 years after high school, I am not the Sarah Beth that my classmates probably remember. I am the new & improved Sarah Beth.

Anyhow, my 20th class reunion will occur in the summer of 2014.

And I will not only ATTEND this event, I am actually looking forward to it after almost 20 years of "growing into" myself enough to be confident in who I am. Honestly, part of me wants to " show up" certain " popular" girls whose social status in high school was higher than mine. I take care of myself emotionally, physically, spiritually & accept myself as I am now.

The girls who were mean to me in school did NOT keep me down---and it is because I was so badly bullied that I staunchly oppose any form of prejudice. My bullies allowed for me to experience life{ on some level anyhow} as someone not like the collective " them". I do not look at myself as a victim, but as someone who has overcome adversity by learning to accept herself as she is{ a person with high-functioning autism}&  opening my heart to those who are more marginalized than me.Yours truly: a white, straight, Christian , middle-class woman has close friends who happen to be poor, homosexual, non-Caucasian, & of other or no faith groups.

Bring it on, Summer 2014!

Will " they" know we Christians by our LOVE?

I dream of a Church { and a Diocese} that when people who are NOT part of our faith community meet us, they will know we are Christians by our agape LOVE .

This love is not the romantic kind of love that is shared between two partners. I'm talking about the agape love that our LORD commands that we share with each other & the people with whom we come into contact on a daily basis.

How can we, as a community of faith, show our agape LOVE towards each other? How can we show LOVE to the stranger who finds him/herself among us on any given day?

The Gospel of John is very specific  on this matter. John 13:34-35 records Our LORD Jesus Christ as saying::

"I give you a new commandment, that you love one another Just as I have loved you, you should love one another. By this , everyone will know you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." 

Jesus says the word LOVE four times in that short passage. 

How do people in our communities know we are Christians by our love for one another? How would they know we are disciples of the risen LORD by our love for people in our community?


Often I am reminded of the simple three part equation for evangelical discipleship: find a friend, be a friend, & then bring a friend to Church. All the " programs " that the Church can create are well & good, but if we do not build upon the foundation of John 13--we will not work towards fulfilling the Great Commandment.

Amen.

Dare To DREAM

I checked Facebook this afternoon and saw a post from a member of the Communications Team of my Diocese regarding the work of the Committee on Structural Reform. Since I was not a voting delegate at this years' DioCgc Convention, I do not know exactly what the work of this group is commissioned to do. But in the Facebook post, they asked us to fill in the blank of this phrase:

I dream of a Diocese that_______________________________________________.

In the future, I'll write about MY hopes for our Diocese &  " brainstorm" with my readers on ways that The Episcopal Diocese of the central Gulf Coast can more effectively proclaim the Gospel that IS Jesus Christ, our Risen LORD.

One of the happenings that struck me the most when I attended DioCGC13 as a photographer was the energy that was literally palatable during the meeting & throughout the entire three days in Panama City. For the first time in my faith life, I saw a real spirit of co-operation among the lay & clerical leaders of the Church.  I also remembered witnessing what I percieved to be an inter-generational dialogue among my gneration & those leaders with a few more years' worth of life experience. :O)This is exciting.

Although I am a relatively " new" Episcopalian{ I was confirmed in May, 2009} this Church is my spiritual home. I am not positive that the learned people who are serving on the Committee On Structural reform will want to read any of my thoughts at all, but since they asked { again, via the Facebook post on the Central Gulf Coast page} for our thoughts/ideas/concerns I am more than happy to oblige.

Dare to dream with me.

Amen.

Today's " Wisdom" Meme

Today I found a great " meme" on a friend's Pinterest page.

Here it is:

Omigosh, this is TOTALLY describing me.  As a person with autism, my " social skills" are not " up to par" with my peers' , but I  CAN carry on a deep conversation with one person. Crowds  " unhinge" me I feel literally lost  among all of the human voices bombarding my brain. After a few minutes in a crowded room, all the voices tend to blend together into a humming noise which I can best describe as a hive full of bees.

I am NOT good with crowds & I HATE " small talk" .  People tell me that all I need to do to make " small talk" is *ask someone about him/herself*Sometimes I do this, and I feel " smothered" by the chatter of the person with whom I am making small talk. yet on the other hand, if I  share an interest with someone, the dreaded small talk becomes a real conversation & I do much better with social situations.

It is true that I express my thoughts better in writing than verbally. One of the reasons that I started blogging is that I literally feel " tongue tied" when I attempt to express my ideas.

Another coping mechanism-turned hobby I've picked up over the years is photography. I've discovered that I cope with large crowds MUCH better if I carry around a camera.

We introverts are not asocial....we are selectively social.

My "Professional " Facebook Page is LIVE

A couple of days ago, I finally created my Facebook page for my photography studio . I named my studio "Coastal Hillbilly Photography" So far, I'm under 20 " Likes" on Facebook, but as I promote my hobby I hope to gain more followers.

I took so many photos from my first paid gig { DioCGC13}, that only approximatly half of them are currently on my professional page. I'm also looking for a somewhat user-friendly web hosting site to host a URL . If anyone knows of any such RELIABLE web hosting domains, please email me at : Sarahbethstaugs@gmail.com. Thanks. So far I've tried weebly & I find this product inferior on many levels.

I've decided that I will focus my photography gigs to events. At this point I'm not *qyite* ready to produce professioal-grade portraits.Naturally I want to get to the point where my portraiture is good enough that people will pay for me to take portraits. I also need to somehow invest in Photoshop. Best Dude has  decent editing software on his desktop computer, but it " ain't" Photoshop.

Anyhow, it is one step at a time. I'm a " work-in-progress" as a photographer & I enjoy learning & practicing techniques. This evening I perused Ebay pricing tripods for my Nikon camera.

I will not give up.

Relay Recap 2013

On Friday evening  Best Dude & I spent a bit of time at the Annual Relay For Life event at our Beach Town. We arrived before the Opening Ceremonies & left approximately two hours later. The weather was NOT conducive to a huge community event--it was WET!  But we had a great crowd last evening anyhow.

Our Rector gave the Invocation at the Opening Ceremonies. The Local High School Chorus sang the National Anthem. Both of these are part of the Relay Tradition here in Beach Town.

There was a lot of " Relay Purple" everywhere on the track at The High School.

The sun setting over the track at The High School was amazing.

Kyrie Elesion. Pray for Boston

Today has been a really crappy day.

Best Dude is in St Petersburg for a work-related two day conference , so just the dog & myself are " holding down the fort" at home this week.

Best Dude, thankfully, made it safely to Central Florida. However, when I talked with him, he told me about the bombing at the Boston Marathon.

I am at a loss for words.

Since I do not understand " normal" people--the criminally-insane totally baffle me. :O/Why does evil exist? What makes ome people " evil". Is  "the conscious" a biochemical norm for most people?

Why are some humans inherently evil? And ARE some humans " evil" from birth?

Spring has Sprung on the Coast!

Best Dude had today off from work, so we spent the morning on the beach. he took a cobia rig for fishing, but did not see any cobia close enough to the shore. The boats were out fishing, but we could not see if they brought any in or not.

I wrote " Choot 'Em" in the sand. { If you do not watch "Swamp People" on TV, you will not understand the humour behind it. }

Best Dude did some casting. I tried to cast with his cobia rig, but it is still a wee bit too heavy for me. I cast much farther with light tackle.

He took this photo of me showing off my {hard-earned} slightly more muscular physique.

I NEVER tire of seeing this view...and it is located only 5 minutes from my home.

An act of congress passed...I GOT MY PLANE TICKETS!

It took a figurative Act of Congress, but I finally bought my plane tickets  for my trip up North this summer. FYI, I'll leave Florida via the Pensacola airport on June 27 & arrive home to the Florida Gulf Coast late  on 8 July.

The reason it was so difficult for me to procure my plane tickets is that my debit card { apparently} had the wrong address filed at the bank. When I entered my address for the debit card on Air Tran's web site , i kept getting an " error message" that the address I entered was " wrong". {WTH?}

Anyhow, after much frustration on my part & much patience on the part of Best Dude, I decided to call the bank  the next day.


The bank's manager with whom I dealt was wonderful & I was able to buy my plane tickets soon after I finished talking with her on the phone. the trip will cost quite a bit of my limited income, but I know darn well it is worth it. My annual trip to The Lake isn't just a vacation for me, its a spiritual/psychologial retreat for me.

Anyhow, as much as I love my coastal life, I will *never* consider myself a southern gal. Especially as summer gets closer , I yearn for my mountain Utopia that is The Lake. Many of my earlier memories  are NOT pleasant, but all my memories of my time at The Lake are pleasant.

I'm so not a "yuppie'. While I will admit to feeling a bit of discontent regarding Beach Community , I've grown to consider myself "Southern by Adoption".  Yet, since my " Adoption" came as an adult, my Northern roots still run deep in my psyche.

"Where I come frome/we rode in trucks"~ Luke Bryan.
"In my neck of the woods/I'm just the girl next door"~ Gretchen Wilson.
"Mountaineers are always free." ~West Virginia's state motto.

Shenendoah...O Shenendoah

I found some photos from a trip I took to Northern Virginia back in 2006. When we were there , we spent a day hiking part of Shenandoah National Park.

Sometimes I miss the mountains much more than I care to admit.

Homesickness sucks.

Check out this view!

Forget diamonds: HERE are some ROCKS!

Cloudy Beach Day Cobia Hunt

After early Mass today, Best Dude & I took a walk on the local beach. Although it wasn't sunny; the Gulf was still gorgeous today.  It is days such as today when I really do not miss the mountains nearly as much as I do at other times of the year.

The cobia boats were out fishing today. Best Dude had a rod & reel with him, but we didn't see any cobia close enough to shore to cast a line. Best Dude *did* let me cast once.:O)

ALL PHOTOS COPYRIGHTED 2013 by COASTAL HILLBILLY PHOTOGRAPHY.

Photos from " Going the Distance For Autism 5-10K Run

I took some photos at today's " Going the Distance 5/10K Run in Fort Walton Beach. I think the morning was successful & am proud of all the work that we did to make this event happen.

All photos are copyrighted by me.

Bullies....as seen from a victim's perspective

 April is Autism Awareness Month & I feel moved to discuss bullying. Many people with autism experience bullying in school and { Sadly} this behavior towards those of us with ANY " difference" can continue into adulthood.

I was severely bullied as a child & teen. In retrospect, I know now that my tormentors didn't know how to approach my { at the time unknown but obvious} "difference" & therefore my behavior made me a target for verbal cruelty.

It took me YEARS of therapy & soul-searching, but I am at a place in my life now where I can forgive those who tormented me in school. However, to forgive does not mean that I should FORGET the pain such taunting has caused for me. 

Bullies do not realize the painful memories that their actions impose on victims... we grow up with a distorted self-image. For instance even now I am very sensitive to criticism { even constructive criticism} from others. My autism makes it almost impossible for me to deduce social cues, so I am suspicious of motives of people whom I do not know well.  As I've matured I've grown a bit more aware of social cues{is this REALLY a good thing after all---humans are such emotional creatures!} & am better at recognizing bullies & attempts to bully others.

I hope that my experience with bullying has helped me grow as the person I am & still am becoming. Yet when I see others being bullied or manipulated it " raises my hackles" . There should be no excuse for bullies to continue their cruel behavior into adult life. Yet sadly I have known several such adults in my life & I struggle with accepting them as they are...memories of my school days surface & I get angry.

I've read studies that say that some people who are severely tormented by bullies become bullies later in life but I am living proof that this statistic need not be the norm.  As someone who experienced bullying firsthand how bullying affects some one's life I make a point to encourage ACCEPTANCE of people who are " not like us".

Amen.

Mountain Roads versus white sand.

On Sunday evening I made the customary call to my grandmother in Pennsylvania to wish her a happy Easter. During our brief but pleasant conversation I learned that ALL my cousins were able to make it " home"  for the annual Family Easter Dinner. Grandma said that the family is all well.

My parental units are out-of-the-country, so no Easter Feast was had at their house.

Holidays can really " suck" when one is thousands of miles away from kith & kin. I had a wonderful Easter Morning with my parish family at church but when one grows up in a HUGE Irish-Roman Catholic family--holidays meant face-time with the aunts. uncles & cousins & the god family in Ohio.

I've made my own life here on the Florida Gulf Coast & * most* of the time I am content to be here & truly am " blooming where planted" But major holidays always leave me with a sense of sadness, as it is financially impossible for me to travel North to see my family on such days. Due to the increase of airline tickets, I can only afford to make one trip up north per calendar year.

Best Dude was working a 2-8 shift on Easter Sunday, so I ended up spending the afternoon of the Feast Of The Resurrection alone. My excitement was catching up on my newest TV addiction, "Duck Dynasty" and trying to forget how much I miss my extended family every major holiday. :O(

If I had access to a windfall of money, I'd plan trips up North for Best Dude & me to visit my " people" every Christmas & Easter week. But since I do not have said money , I am " stuck" in Florida for all major Christian & secular holidays.

Money controls the world.

Yuck.

Easter is 50 days...

HAPPY EASTER!

We had a glorious Feast of the Resurrection at Small Parish.

Our Easter celebration started with the Great Vigil on Saturday evening.  We kindled a fire outside & then bright Christ's Light into the empty nave.

The " make-over" of the eastern wall of our altar area was revealed to those of us who attended the Vigil Mass.  the wall was repained & hanging vestments{ made by some talented parishioners} were added to the altar area.

Between Masses on Easter Sunday, we had our annual Childrens' Easter Egg Hunt. "Some Bunny" hid candy-filled plastic eggs all over the front part of the parish property.

During the 10:30 Easter mass, we witnessed a baptism of a parishioner who has been attending Small Parish for awhile. Welcome *officially* to your new Christian family, Ms B!

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! The young people processed in at the 10:30 Mass with a banner full off " Alleluias" which they had symbolicly burried on the first Sunday of Lent. This banner is PROUDLY displayed on one of the walls in the church.