I realized today that I am no longer angry. My anger has been replaced with a sadness & sense of loss. Some recent events in my life have wounded me deeply and for weeks I irritated a festering psychic wound. My " burden" has been considerably lifted, and I am at peace with the situation now.
Tonight I am proud to say that I am so OVER IT ALL. Truly. My anger has dissipated.
Instead of anger, I feel sadness. Sadness is not a positive emotion, but sadness is somehow less caustic than anger. Yet I know that the Great Physician will heal me in due time. I also know that healing will not take place in a vacuum Our faith is meant to be practiced in COMMUNITY.
We Christ-followers need to share our stories. By doing so, we remind each other of God's Presence in our lives. When we are in the midst of a situation, we often fail to see God working amidst the chaos. God does work to heal hurts caused by humans being humans...let's face it we are all egotistical creatures who can be selfish and cruel to each other.
I am blessed to have people who allow me to tell my story & " own" my emotions. Sadly, I tend to hang onto grudges and nurse wounds. But my dear friends have listened patiently to my story, and did not force their advice onto me.
Wounds, whether they be emotional or physical, are part of our stories. And it is by telling our stories to each other than bonds of affection form. I am able to heal thanks to a large part of willing ears & open hearts who LISTEN to my story without prejudging me. I try my best to be an active and effective listener. Sometimes all we need is someone to listen to our stories, and not to offer advice.
Thanks be to God for stories & the ability to share them with each other. And thanks be to the Great Physician who heals us and sustains us through anything our sister & fellow humans can throw at us.
Amen.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Remembering: The " Philadelphia 11" 40 years later
This weekend marks the 40th anniversary of the anniversary of womens' ordination in The Episcopal Church. While I have only been a member of this Church for approximately 6 years, I am glad to know that my Church has been ordaining women for longer than I've been alive.
Maybe some men do not understand what a huge deal it is for we women to acknowledge this important day. Because we Episcopalians ordain both men & women whose calls are affirmed by the wider Church
This quote sums up my feelings towards what those brave women did 40 years ago:
"Women in all orders of ministry--baptized, deacons, priests, and bishops--can walk proudly today in whatever kind of shoes they want to wear because of what happened here 40 years ago."--from the Presiding Bishop's homily on the 40th anniversary of women's ordination.
This morning I had the privilege of serving at the altar at Beach Church. Our altar party consisted of men & women of all ages and life experiences. I probably will get in trouble for making this statement, but I truly believe that God does not take a human's gender into consideration when God calls someone into any type of ministry.
Today I was reminded that it is an honor and a privilege for ALL we Christians to serve God at the altar. We are all called to do our best in whatever ministry we take part in every day. This morning I found myself standing taller and prouder as I walked with a torch in hand during the procession and recession. I did not think about my being " a girl" & I highly doubt that any of my sister & brother parishioners did either.
I am " a girl" , and a very feminine one. While I do not hide the fact that I am feminine, neither do I think that my gender should hinder me or any other woman, in discerning how to serve God.
When I serve at the altar as a layperson, I do not concern myself with my own identity. Altar servers & clergy dress in vestments in part to " blend in" together so that no one serve stands out. Altar serving, like all other ministries, should be about pleasing God.
All the fuss that some Christians make regarding the gender of those serving at the altar seem to miss the point of what we are called to do. ALL we baptized believers are called to spread the love of our LORD and Savior Jesus Christ. We are not to make disciples of only men, nor are we to make disciples of only women.
O God, thank You for the witness of those brave women in Philadelphia .May other brave men & women work hard to empower all persons to live out their baptismal covenant in any way they feel led by You. In the Name of the Father, Son & Holy Spirit, Amen.
"
Maybe some men do not understand what a huge deal it is for we women to acknowledge this important day. Because we Episcopalians ordain both men & women whose calls are affirmed by the wider Church
This quote sums up my feelings towards what those brave women did 40 years ago:
"Women in all orders of ministry--baptized, deacons, priests, and bishops--can walk proudly today in whatever kind of shoes they want to wear because of what happened here 40 years ago."--from the Presiding Bishop's homily on the 40th anniversary of women's ordination.
This morning I had the privilege of serving at the altar at Beach Church. Our altar party consisted of men & women of all ages and life experiences. I probably will get in trouble for making this statement, but I truly believe that God does not take a human's gender into consideration when God calls someone into any type of ministry.
Today I was reminded that it is an honor and a privilege for ALL we Christians to serve God at the altar. We are all called to do our best in whatever ministry we take part in every day. This morning I found myself standing taller and prouder as I walked with a torch in hand during the procession and recession. I did not think about my being " a girl" & I highly doubt that any of my sister & brother parishioners did either.
I am " a girl" , and a very feminine one. While I do not hide the fact that I am feminine, neither do I think that my gender should hinder me or any other woman, in discerning how to serve God.
When I serve at the altar as a layperson, I do not concern myself with my own identity. Altar servers & clergy dress in vestments in part to " blend in" together so that no one serve stands out. Altar serving, like all other ministries, should be about pleasing God.
All the fuss that some Christians make regarding the gender of those serving at the altar seem to miss the point of what we are called to do. ALL we baptized believers are called to spread the love of our LORD and Savior Jesus Christ. We are not to make disciples of only men, nor are we to make disciples of only women.
O God, thank You for the witness of those brave women in Philadelphia .May other brave men & women work hard to empower all persons to live out their baptismal covenant in any way they feel led by You. In the Name of the Father, Son & Holy Spirit, Amen.
"
Friday, July 11, 2014
Scars
When I was at the tender age of 12 I had two surgeries to correct severe scoliosis of the spine. This ordeal left me with two titanium rods around my spinal column and put me at Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh for three weeks. { Did I mention I was only 12 years old when this happened?}
Anyhow, as if immobilization for 21 days and two MAJOR operations where the surgeon & his team pretty much re-arranged all my innards so to save my back from eventually crippling me{ or worse---apparently unchecked scoliosis can crush a patient's lungs and KILL her or him!!}was not enough torture for a pubescent Pittsburgher I also had to wear a fiberglass brace. This custom-made instrument of torture surrounded my torso and covered me from below my bra-line to underneath my tailbone. I won't even discuss the ugly clothing with elasticized waits and baggy, high-necked shirts & sweaters that this brace forced me to wear .
I carry on my back two large and permanent reminders of my "Seventh Grade Summer from Hell". Two long scars run down my back and around my torso remain permanently etched on my body. While there scars faded with time, they are still visible to those who know where to look for them. For many years, I felt ashamed of these scars, and my shame played a part in the development of an eating disorder that literally took YEARS for me to get into a true remission. To shorten a long story, I let my physical scars play a huge part in how I perceived others' views of me.
Physical scars are a metaphor for some deeper spiritual and emotional scars that many of us carry around. We tend to focus on the painful, awkward and even ugly parts of our walk with Our Lord rather than see them as merely a part of our story. As did my physical scars on my back---our scars on our souls can and will fade with time. Scars on the soul & psyche eventually will be seen as parts of our " story"---important parts for sure but not defining parts.
When I look at myself in the mirror I see ME, not the scars on my back. With time, a lot of love from my family, and years of counseling, I am in remission from my eating disorder. I am looking forward and onward. The same is true for spiritual scars...they can and shall heal. Give yourself time and seek help from God and others. Be kind to yourself. Look in the mirror and tell yourself " I am more than the sums of all my scars."
Amen.
~SEM
Anyhow, as if immobilization for 21 days and two MAJOR operations where the surgeon & his team pretty much re-arranged all my innards so to save my back from eventually crippling me{ or worse---apparently unchecked scoliosis can crush a patient's lungs and KILL her or him!!}was not enough torture for a pubescent Pittsburgher I also had to wear a fiberglass brace. This custom-made instrument of torture surrounded my torso and covered me from below my bra-line to underneath my tailbone. I won't even discuss the ugly clothing with elasticized waits and baggy, high-necked shirts & sweaters that this brace forced me to wear .
I carry on my back two large and permanent reminders of my "Seventh Grade Summer from Hell". Two long scars run down my back and around my torso remain permanently etched on my body. While there scars faded with time, they are still visible to those who know where to look for them. For many years, I felt ashamed of these scars, and my shame played a part in the development of an eating disorder that literally took YEARS for me to get into a true remission. To shorten a long story, I let my physical scars play a huge part in how I perceived others' views of me.
Physical scars are a metaphor for some deeper spiritual and emotional scars that many of us carry around. We tend to focus on the painful, awkward and even ugly parts of our walk with Our Lord rather than see them as merely a part of our story. As did my physical scars on my back---our scars on our souls can and will fade with time. Scars on the soul & psyche eventually will be seen as parts of our " story"---important parts for sure but not defining parts.
When I look at myself in the mirror I see ME, not the scars on my back. With time, a lot of love from my family, and years of counseling, I am in remission from my eating disorder. I am looking forward and onward. The same is true for spiritual scars...they can and shall heal. Give yourself time and seek help from God and others. Be kind to yourself. Look in the mirror and tell yourself " I am more than the sums of all my scars."
Amen.
~SEM
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
My favorite prayer---attributed to St Francis of Assisi
I've been praying this prayer every day....in addition to reciting it each week with my church family, I pray it at least once daily on my own.
Here it is, in case any of my readers are not familiar with the famous prayer attributed to St Francis of Assisi:
Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace; Where there is hatred, let me sow love; Where there is injury, pardon; Where there is discord, harmony; Where there is error, truth; Where there is doubt, faith; Where there is despair, hope; Where there is darkness, light; And where there is sadness, joy.
My Jewish agnostic Mom always told me that ' two wrongs do not make a right.' Often I am guilty of inadvertently hurting others while reacting to my own anger & hurt. It is human nature but NOT OKAY , to punish those who are associated in any way with someone who hurt me. My goal is to do what Christ would do even in my own hurt, to seek pardon for others who injure me. Often in interpersonal conflicts, others are deemed " guilty by association".
No one is perfect but Christ.
Amen.
Here it is, in case any of my readers are not familiar with the famous prayer attributed to St Francis of Assisi:
- O Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek
- To be consoled as to console;
- To be understood as to understand;
- To be loved as to love.
- For it is in giving that we receive;
- It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
- And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
My Jewish agnostic Mom always told me that ' two wrongs do not make a right.' Often I am guilty of inadvertently hurting others while reacting to my own anger & hurt. It is human nature but NOT OKAY , to punish those who are associated in any way with someone who hurt me. My goal is to do what Christ would do even in my own hurt, to seek pardon for others who injure me. Often in interpersonal conflicts, others are deemed " guilty by association".
No one is perfect but Christ.
Amen.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Mean Girls
I was bulled throughout much of my childhood.
Bullies suck, and I always wondered what will happen to these insecure children who must prey on " weaker" or " different" children in order to find some security.
Mean girls in school become mean girls in adulthood.
Their mode of operations probably will become more sophisticated, but they are the same catty, two-faced wrenches who made the school years of many people a living hell. They group together around one who is perceived as the "Queen Bee" and scan the workplace or other social outlet in today's adult would for a woman whom they perceive as weaker. They appear to befriend their victim, and she, grateful for the companionship, accepts their conditional friendship.
According to the Queen Bee's whim, the group of girls take turns including and excluding their victim. She repeatedly forgives them for their abuse after all, they DO include her { At least half of the time & when the are not whispering about her in clandestine gatherings. No matter how hard she tries, she does not feel totally validated or accepted by her " friends". Until , "egged on by Queen Bee" the Mean Girls do something so hurtful to their victim that she ends up in counseling or starts to exhibit forms of unhealthy behaviors. Eventually the victim DOES break away from the Mean Girls, but she never forgets the abuse by her alleged " friends".
From the playground to the work place & all places where humans gather socially. Mean girls still exist. When they are adults, it is harder to identify their Queen Bee, but rest assured that she is there. Adult Mean Girls are even harder to identify.
Beware.
Bullies suck, and I always wondered what will happen to these insecure children who must prey on " weaker" or " different" children in order to find some security.
Mean girls in school become mean girls in adulthood.
Their mode of operations probably will become more sophisticated, but they are the same catty, two-faced wrenches who made the school years of many people a living hell. They group together around one who is perceived as the "Queen Bee" and scan the workplace or other social outlet in today's adult would for a woman whom they perceive as weaker. They appear to befriend their victim, and she, grateful for the companionship, accepts their conditional friendship.
According to the Queen Bee's whim, the group of girls take turns including and excluding their victim. She repeatedly forgives them for their abuse after all, they DO include her { At least half of the time & when the are not whispering about her in clandestine gatherings. No matter how hard she tries, she does not feel totally validated or accepted by her " friends". Until , "egged on by Queen Bee" the Mean Girls do something so hurtful to their victim that she ends up in counseling or starts to exhibit forms of unhealthy behaviors. Eventually the victim DOES break away from the Mean Girls, but she never forgets the abuse by her alleged " friends".
From the playground to the work place & all places where humans gather socially. Mean girls still exist. When they are adults, it is harder to identify their Queen Bee, but rest assured that she is there. Adult Mean Girls are even harder to identify.
Beware.
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