This morning I overheard { despite my best intentions to TUNE OUT the conversation} a trainer and a client chatting about counting calories. Now I realize that everyone elses' wellness goals are different, but as someone who is and always will be in recovery from disordered eating, I found this whole exchange between the two women triggering. the client was not overweight in the least U chatted LOUDLY to her trainer about how little she eats per day.
Heartbreaking. :O(
I was an athlete during high school who also suffered from disordered eating. I will not delve into the details, but it will suffice to say that I ate way too few calories for a normal teen girl, let alone one who ran constantly at JV basketball practice each day after classes. I was OBSESSED with eating as few calories as possible without literally fainting from lack of glucose.
My parents have my sophomore and junior high school yearbooks, and I cannot bear to look at the photos of myself during these years. I totally bought into the media's obsession with " thin is in" and the resulting disordered eating has left me with some irreparable health problems. I am eternally grateful that I survived the years of self-abuse incurred by my eating disorders.
It saddens me that some women STILL feel that " thin is in". the media still tells we women how we " should" look like and that there is something " wrong" with women who do not meet their ridiculous ideal of " feminine beauty" . This is so damaging to women & girls----eating disorders DO NOT go away just because someone has changed her{ or in rarer cases HIS} behaviors towards food & exercise. Recovery, as with other behavioral illnesses, is ongoing.
Damn it, I hate my acute sense of hearing. My strategy for the next time I see these two together in the gym: place the ear buds back into my ears and turn up the music! I've no time for that " calorie counting" nonsense in my healthy lifestyle.
That's all.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Divergent!
Due to some " technical difficulties" at our house last evening, I spent most of the time reading a new novel that I 'd bought just for the occasion. It is so good that I've ALREADY completed almost half of the book in one three-hour setting.
The book is _Divergence_ the first novel in a trilogy of novels by author Veronica Roth. Some bookish friends have been recommending these novels to me , so I FINALLY bought an old-fashioned paper copy of the first book in the trilogy yesterday afternoon.
Take my advice & READ THIS NOVEL!
I will not add any plot spoilers---so please take my advice & read this novel if you have not yet done so.
The trilogy is geared towards teen and young adults, but the storyline is one that any book-nerd can appreciate. The lead character Beatrice or" Tris" as she is called in the novel, is a heroine on par with Katniss Everdeen and Hermione Granger. She's smart, compassionate and tries really hard to do what is right. But she is not without flaws.
Growing up, I had too damn few literary role models that were girls & women. During my pre-teen and early teen years I wasted so much time reading such " teen-lit" as Sweet Valley High and The Babysitter's Club" books. In retrospect, I see now that these books { especially SVH} are poorly written and lack any sort of strong female characters. It is heartwarming to see so many strong, smart & capable female literary characters are emerging in the YA fiction genre.
Thank you, Ms Roth, for creating a novel series featuring a very well-done yet believable female lead character.
The book is _Divergence_ the first novel in a trilogy of novels by author Veronica Roth. Some bookish friends have been recommending these novels to me , so I FINALLY bought an old-fashioned paper copy of the first book in the trilogy yesterday afternoon.
Take my advice & READ THIS NOVEL!
I will not add any plot spoilers---so please take my advice & read this novel if you have not yet done so.
The trilogy is geared towards teen and young adults, but the storyline is one that any book-nerd can appreciate. The lead character Beatrice or" Tris" as she is called in the novel, is a heroine on par with Katniss Everdeen and Hermione Granger. She's smart, compassionate and tries really hard to do what is right. But she is not without flaws.
Growing up, I had too damn few literary role models that were girls & women. During my pre-teen and early teen years I wasted so much time reading such " teen-lit" as Sweet Valley High and The Babysitter's Club" books. In retrospect, I see now that these books { especially SVH} are poorly written and lack any sort of strong female characters. It is heartwarming to see so many strong, smart & capable female literary characters are emerging in the YA fiction genre.
Thank you, Ms Roth, for creating a novel series featuring a very well-done yet believable female lead character.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
I am not "The Biggest Loser" I am Fit & Healthy.
I am not a fan of the " reality show" on TV called " The Biggest Loser". Now I know many people find this show inspirational, but for me it dredges out many of my since-buried issues with body dysmorphia & disordered eating. While I suppose that I can see how some people glean hope from watching these people transform themselves on this " reality game show" it leaves me with some painful memories.
I have always been a thin person. Both of my parents are thin & even as a baby I lacked even most of the customary " baby fat".
Due to some unforeseen circumstances , and in spite of my long & lean body type, I developed disordered eating as a middle-schooler. I am not 100 percent positive of the trigger of this condition, but I am almost certain that two major back surgeries were the catalyst for my unsatisfactory body image.
I know, MOST teen girls hate their looks. But having spent 21 days flat on my back and naked save for a thin hospital gown followed by 10 months in a back brace worn from my shoulder blades down to my tailbone probably exaggerated my unhappiness with my body.
To make a long story shorter, I developed disordered eating.
I was thin , weak and with poor coloring, weak hair and nails, and in a perpetual bad mood. I focused so much on counting calories and "fighting fat" that I missed out on a lot of my younger life.
This condition plagued me from my early teenage years until well into my third decade. It was not until I finally decided that bone-thin DOES NOT equal health & vitality did I choose to change my lifestyle.
I train at a gym 3-4 days per week, but my goals DO NOT include weight loss. For me, training is not to control my weight. Rather, I seek to improve my body's function. As hard as I train, I do not follow any particular eating plan. I eat what I want & when I want to eat it. My secret is so easy: I practice PORTION CONTROL.
Yes sir & ma'am it is THAT EASY.
I eat sweets...as a matter of fact I am a choco-holic. Do I eat a whole huge bag of chocolate M&M's? No. I'll enjoy a handful of candy or one piece of pie or cake. On days that I train at the gym, I consume extra calories to make up for the fuel burned when I'm trying hard to build muscle. I NEVER skip meals.
Yet staying away from the mentality of disordered eating is a struggle. On some days{ especially during the busy Christmas holiday season} I struggle daily with these old thought patterns. the difference is that I now know that such disordered thoughts are unhealthy & I've the practical & spiritual wisdom to combat these thoughts.
It bothers me that society won't engage in a discourse about the perils of disordered eating. I KNOW I am not the only person whom I know with these particular "demons" yet no one willingly says" me too". I wish there were a Disordered Eating Anonymous 12-step program to help those of us in recovery. I believe that I can be of help to women and men who are still in the early stages of recovery but these is no national organization that connects disordered eaters with " sponsors" in their local community. I've known people who go to other 12 step programs & I am told that these programs WORK.
I've found strength, support & solace from my faith community . But I know that "religion" isn't for everyone , so I wish I could make an effort to reach more people who need help with disordered eating.
Amen.
I have always been a thin person. Both of my parents are thin & even as a baby I lacked even most of the customary " baby fat".
Due to some unforeseen circumstances , and in spite of my long & lean body type, I developed disordered eating as a middle-schooler. I am not 100 percent positive of the trigger of this condition, but I am almost certain that two major back surgeries were the catalyst for my unsatisfactory body image.
I know, MOST teen girls hate their looks. But having spent 21 days flat on my back and naked save for a thin hospital gown followed by 10 months in a back brace worn from my shoulder blades down to my tailbone probably exaggerated my unhappiness with my body.
To make a long story shorter, I developed disordered eating.
I was thin , weak and with poor coloring, weak hair and nails, and in a perpetual bad mood. I focused so much on counting calories and "fighting fat" that I missed out on a lot of my younger life.
This condition plagued me from my early teenage years until well into my third decade. It was not until I finally decided that bone-thin DOES NOT equal health & vitality did I choose to change my lifestyle.
I train at a gym 3-4 days per week, but my goals DO NOT include weight loss. For me, training is not to control my weight. Rather, I seek to improve my body's function. As hard as I train, I do not follow any particular eating plan. I eat what I want & when I want to eat it. My secret is so easy: I practice PORTION CONTROL.
Yes sir & ma'am it is THAT EASY.
I eat sweets...as a matter of fact I am a choco-holic. Do I eat a whole huge bag of chocolate M&M's? No. I'll enjoy a handful of candy or one piece of pie or cake. On days that I train at the gym, I consume extra calories to make up for the fuel burned when I'm trying hard to build muscle. I NEVER skip meals.
Yet staying away from the mentality of disordered eating is a struggle. On some days{ especially during the busy Christmas holiday season} I struggle daily with these old thought patterns. the difference is that I now know that such disordered thoughts are unhealthy & I've the practical & spiritual wisdom to combat these thoughts.
It bothers me that society won't engage in a discourse about the perils of disordered eating. I KNOW I am not the only person whom I know with these particular "demons" yet no one willingly says" me too". I wish there were a Disordered Eating Anonymous 12-step program to help those of us in recovery. I believe that I can be of help to women and men who are still in the early stages of recovery but these is no national organization that connects disordered eaters with " sponsors" in their local community. I've known people who go to other 12 step programs & I am told that these programs WORK.
I've found strength, support & solace from my faith community . But I know that "religion" isn't for everyone , so I wish I could make an effort to reach more people who need help with disordered eating.
Amen.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Smooth Sailing, Norman+
It is a sad day in my Diocese.
Last evening we learned of the sudden death of a fine priest of a sister parish . I knew Father Norman mostly from my times at our annual Diocesan Conventions. At close to 6 feet five inches, and with a wide shoulder circumference , Norm+ was a big guy. But his " larger-than-life" presence was mostly due to his kindness. He had a wonderful laugh and loved fine cigars and good scotch whiskey. He left behind in this world a wife and two adult children as well as a congregation of Christians in a small Northwest Florida town.
Norman+ suffered a massive heart attack, so his passing is very sudden. A congregation is without their beloved priest, a wife is bereft of her husband and people are without their father.
He was well-loved, as evidence of the kind thoughts posted to his personal Facebook Wall indicate.
I am struggling this night with not only mourning the loss of a fine man & priest, but with the idea of Death.
Death is not " supposed" to steal good people away from this life at an early age{ Norm was close to the age of my Dad, and to me that is way too young to die}Good people are supposed to not die suddenly. Rather they are supposed to pass on quietly and without pain while sleeping at the age of 100 or more.
I know that Norm+ is in a better place...probably enjoying cigars and Scotch that are literally "out-of-this-world" with all the other saints {small s} who have gone on before him. But selfishly I will still look for him at Convention. the official clergy photo of all the collared people in this Diocese will seem incomplete.
Norman+, smooth sailing, good and faithful servant. We'll miss you.
Amen.
Last evening we learned of the sudden death of a fine priest of a sister parish . I knew Father Norman mostly from my times at our annual Diocesan Conventions. At close to 6 feet five inches, and with a wide shoulder circumference , Norm+ was a big guy. But his " larger-than-life" presence was mostly due to his kindness. He had a wonderful laugh and loved fine cigars and good scotch whiskey. He left behind in this world a wife and two adult children as well as a congregation of Christians in a small Northwest Florida town.
Norman+ suffered a massive heart attack, so his passing is very sudden. A congregation is without their beloved priest, a wife is bereft of her husband and people are without their father.
He was well-loved, as evidence of the kind thoughts posted to his personal Facebook Wall indicate.
I am struggling this night with not only mourning the loss of a fine man & priest, but with the idea of Death.
Death is not " supposed" to steal good people away from this life at an early age{ Norm was close to the age of my Dad, and to me that is way too young to die}Good people are supposed to not die suddenly. Rather they are supposed to pass on quietly and without pain while sleeping at the age of 100 or more.
I know that Norm+ is in a better place...probably enjoying cigars and Scotch that are literally "out-of-this-world" with all the other saints {small s} who have gone on before him. But selfishly I will still look for him at Convention. the official clergy photo of all the collared people in this Diocese will seem incomplete.
Norman+, smooth sailing, good and faithful servant. We'll miss you.
Amen.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
New Gym, New year
Due to unforeseen circumstances that were NOT my fault, I had to join a new gym this year.
Anyhow Snap Fitness offers a one-month free full membership to their franchise. Naturally, since I must be frugal with finances, I happily took full advantage of the free month with the full intent of joining when my trial period is over.
I am currently in search of a gym partner at the current facility. I miss Gym Buddy terribly, even though it is MUCH nicer to train in a drama-free environment. :O) So if any of **yinz** local people want to join me at Snap Fitness, please email or call me. Normally I am NOT a fan of any sort of "change" in my life but this new gym seems to be good thus far. I do wish it offered shower/locker rooms.
Today I focused on legs, with doing the " cardio" part of my training on the elliptical machine. Previously I've shied away from this machine for about 6 months in an attempt to get my bad leg healed. This morning's elliptical workout did my knees some good---I've definitely become stronger since my last 6 month's workout schedule has been dedicated to strengthening the muscles surrounding the weak left knee. I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and feel GOOD!
I've also increased my personal best on the bench press by 5 pounds. Wh00t!
It is such a blessing to be healthy and fit.
Amen.
Anyhow Snap Fitness offers a one-month free full membership to their franchise. Naturally, since I must be frugal with finances, I happily took full advantage of the free month with the full intent of joining when my trial period is over.
I am currently in search of a gym partner at the current facility. I miss Gym Buddy terribly, even though it is MUCH nicer to train in a drama-free environment. :O) So if any of **yinz** local people want to join me at Snap Fitness, please email or call me. Normally I am NOT a fan of any sort of "change" in my life but this new gym seems to be good thus far. I do wish it offered shower/locker rooms.
Today I focused on legs, with doing the " cardio" part of my training on the elliptical machine. Previously I've shied away from this machine for about 6 months in an attempt to get my bad leg healed. This morning's elliptical workout did my knees some good---I've definitely become stronger since my last 6 month's workout schedule has been dedicated to strengthening the muscles surrounding the weak left knee. I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and feel GOOD!
I've also increased my personal best on the bench press by 5 pounds. Wh00t!
It is such a blessing to be healthy and fit.
Amen.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Bring on the reunion! It's a wonderful life!
Its a date....my 20th High School Reunion will occur on July 19. It is to be a dress-up affair with a cash bar, food and music.
I'm going.
While I sincerely HOPE that Best Dude can come with me, I've accepted the fact that I might attend my reunion alone. That's OK by me, as I am much more confident than I was as a teen, and I'm pretty damn pleased with my life.
Inasmuch as I HATED high school { save for my time on the sports & Quiz Bowl teams and work summers at The Lake}. My grades for sure did not reflect my intellect, and I spent more time in the vice-principle's office than I care to admit.
I didn't go to either my junior nor senior prom and I attended ONE Homecoming formal { I went " stag " with a girl friend after said guy who DID ask me to the dance bailed on me with some lame-ass excuse.}As a matter of fact, I did not attend a formal dance until First College.
I was lame. I might have been an athlete and taking a hard course load , but I was a " nobody".
Girls were just a little bit mean to me and boys ignored me. My poor self-image led to dangerously disordered eating habits.
I was a mess.
In retrospect, most of my teen angst issues were related to my { then yet undiagnosed} autism coupled with intense introversion. Most of my lunch hours were spent in vain attempts to become invisible from the rest of the student body and trying hard to work up the courage to talk with Cute Boy. My parents were wonderful, {as they still are} and tried everything in their knowledge base to help me. Thankfully my small, rural school had some GREAT faculty members who went beyond the call of teacher and tried to help me fit in.
Now at the age of 37.5, I still don't fit in and I am more than okay with being an oddball. I'm blessed with a great boyfriend who loves me unconditionally. I am totally over the disordered eating and am now on a healthy eating and exercise regime. I am the proud Aunt of an adorable baby nephew and proud fur-parent of a big dog. Best Dude and I keep several chickens in our backyard Both my parents are alive and healthy and I live in FLORIDA!
Life is sweet. I'm going into the 20th reunion with an open mind and without any grudges or otherwise " bad blood" I am not the girl whom I was back in 1994 : I am a healthy , happy version of me with most of the " bugs" worked out of my " operating system".
Amen.
I'm going.
While I sincerely HOPE that Best Dude can come with me, I've accepted the fact that I might attend my reunion alone. That's OK by me, as I am much more confident than I was as a teen, and I'm pretty damn pleased with my life.
Inasmuch as I HATED high school { save for my time on the sports & Quiz Bowl teams and work summers at The Lake}. My grades for sure did not reflect my intellect, and I spent more time in the vice-principle's office than I care to admit.
I didn't go to either my junior nor senior prom and I attended ONE Homecoming formal { I went " stag " with a girl friend after said guy who DID ask me to the dance bailed on me with some lame-ass excuse.}As a matter of fact, I did not attend a formal dance until First College.
I was lame. I might have been an athlete and taking a hard course load , but I was a " nobody".
Girls were just a little bit mean to me and boys ignored me. My poor self-image led to dangerously disordered eating habits.
I was a mess.
In retrospect, most of my teen angst issues were related to my { then yet undiagnosed} autism coupled with intense introversion. Most of my lunch hours were spent in vain attempts to become invisible from the rest of the student body and trying hard to work up the courage to talk with Cute Boy. My parents were wonderful, {as they still are} and tried everything in their knowledge base to help me. Thankfully my small, rural school had some GREAT faculty members who went beyond the call of teacher and tried to help me fit in.
Now at the age of 37.5, I still don't fit in and I am more than okay with being an oddball. I'm blessed with a great boyfriend who loves me unconditionally. I am totally over the disordered eating and am now on a healthy eating and exercise regime. I am the proud Aunt of an adorable baby nephew and proud fur-parent of a big dog. Best Dude and I keep several chickens in our backyard Both my parents are alive and healthy and I live in FLORIDA!
Life is sweet. I'm going into the 20th reunion with an open mind and without any grudges or otherwise " bad blood" I am not the girl whom I was back in 1994 : I am a healthy , happy version of me with most of the " bugs" worked out of my " operating system".
Amen.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
I prefer a Church...
Pope Francis rocks!
I found a quote from the current pope {to whom I lovingly refer as " Papa Francis" for many reasons}that spoke to my soul .My Annual Convention for my Diocese is in February, and I am going as an alternate lay delegate.
Anyhow, here is the quote:
I found a quote from the current pope {to whom I lovingly refer as " Papa Francis" for many reasons}that spoke to my soul .My Annual Convention for my Diocese is in February, and I am going as an alternate lay delegate.
Anyhow, here is the quote:
Amen and amen again! Although I am pretty sure that the Pope is speaking of the Roman Catholic Church, his statement SHOULD ring true for Christians of any & all varieties.
No one asks me of my opinion on such lofty matters: I am after all " merely a young woman" {sic} and " everyone knows that young people have nothing to contribute" { sic}
Too often the institutional Church is too concerned with maintaining status quo and keeping out "those who are not like us" than actually BEING Christ's hands & feet here and now.
I am sad about all the hard feelings that surround certain Church issues and I am even more saddened by the fact that these issues keep people away from knowing Christ & Christ's community.
I dream of a Church that is more concerned with BEING Church than DEFINING Church.
I dream of a Church whose Holy Scriptures are not used to justify hatred towards those whose lifestyles we do not understand. As long as some one's lifestyle harms no one, we should not justify our prejudices in the name of the Church
I dream of a Church that focuses more on empowering members to live out our Baptismal Covenants rather than playing politics.
I dream of a Church that is more concerned with doing ministry that will make a difference to the greater local area than placating members by playing up to prejudices of people with a lot of money.
I am 37 and one-half years old. It is my HOPE and PRAYER that I live long enough to see some of my dreams for the Church come to fruition.
Amen.
Christmastide 2014.
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