Bullshit and bullies : Adulthood Version

As usual, a Facebook post led my thoughts to wander down a metaphorical " rabbit hole". As someone whose Myers-Briggs personality type is INFJ and being slightly on the autism spectrum, I know what it is like to be a " weirdo". At my age of close to 40 years old, this " otherness" status does not bother me. As a matter of fact, after recently seeing how some  so-called ' cool kids' act, I am grateful that I've never been part of any In Crowd.


I've always been the sort of woman and girl who prefers the company of guys rather than that of my own gender. When guys are mean to you , one KNOWS one is being bullied. This is not so with girls and women. Female humans can be truly vicious creatures, and most of the time these attacks are not brought on by someone defending her young.


I can recall countless instances in school when my intuition KNEW that some girls were trying to bullshit me yet my lack to social insight did not let me identify exactly WHAT the bullshit was about. As I've matured in age and experience , I'm slightly better at determining the source of social bullshit but still feel deep sorrow when I am bullied, excluded or otherwise made to feel "less than".


Eleanor Roosevelt said " No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."


Preach it, sister, preach it!


If someone doesn't want me around, I can tell. and I've grown beyond giving much merit to such narrow minded people who need to be cruel to me [ or anyone else] so that they can feel better about who THEY are.


Yo Bullies and Mean Girls, I am sorry that you hate yourselves so much. But how is making  ME  feel shitty about who I am stoke YOUR ego?


When adults bully or exclude me, I am hurt. It sucks for someone to remind me that there are petty, childish people in this world. Of course no one is perfect, but grown men and women who intentionally seek to belittle others both anger and sadden me.


Yet I've learned that how these people treat others says a hell of a lot more about the state of THEIR self-esteem than about me. After years of not listening to my mother telling me so, I've learned that bullies pick on people whom they perceive as weaker or different in order to boost their already fragile egos. I do not understand why these people must hurt someone else in order to make themselves feel ' important' { whatever the hell THAT means}but their issues are not MY issues.


 I've also learned that women and men who continue to bully others well into adulthood hang out with others who behave in a similar manner.  The concept of Mean Girls { and guys} extends throughout the lifespan. While I am sure that most  children and teens who bully others grow into fine adults , I know from experience that some refuse to give up the cliquish separations that are so pervasive in  middle and high schools. This is sad to me that some people peak at 16 years of age, but their issues should not be my problem. Actually, their insecurities are NOT my problem. Life is too short to deal with bullshit.


The end.

Quote of the day.

Hi, my name is Sarah Beth and I am addicted to quotes. Today one came across my Facebook page that I HAD to share, both on my personal page, via email, and here with my blog readers.


Sister Joan, Chissiter , a spiritual hero of mine, addressed a crowd at Wessally College . Here is part of what she told the packed " house' gathered to listen to the wisdom from the 78-year-old Catholic nun.




Without further ado, here is the promised quote:




"Choose what’s best in life over what is comfortable. Chose witness in life over the country club scene … Find a purpose large enough on which to spend yourselves. Torture, climate change, something that says, ‘my life isn’t over. This is yet to be done.’ What will they remember about you when you’re gone? What are you doing now that will not be forgotten"




This reminds me of what Jesus says in His famous Sermon On The Mount. Jesus does not call His followers to be complacent. we are not supposed to sit idle when there is so much injustice happening in our world.  We are called to be agents of healthy change, to be peacemakers in a world filled with wars and other conflicts. We are called to be meek...and by meek I DO NOT mean " weak" and to not seek revenge when wronged upon.


We are called to care for the earth and all its inhabitants. We are called to get out of ourselves and see how we can be of service to others.  We are called to love and honor all persons, even those whose lifestyles make no sense to us. A Christians, we are called to LOVE each other---- in spite of petty differences of opinions, lifestyles, political affiliations, ect.


Rather on focusing on what divides us, we should focus on solving problems that affect all of humanity. As we move towards the beginning of another calendar year, let us remember to live a life that matters. Don't live life for yourself, try instead to BE a change that is much needed right now.


Amen.

Elevator pitch...Why I am an Episcopalian

Recently there has been a Facebook trend among some Episcopalians I know on Facebook. the challenge is to write one paragraph stating why you are an Episcopalian. Apparently this type of exercise is called an " elevator pitch".


At any rate: here is mine.


SARAH BETH'S "ELEVATOR PITCH"


I believe in the Jesus, as the Son & Second Person of the Triune God.  I also believe that He teaches humanity what it means to be a good person. In the Episcopal Church I've found meaningful worship and a worldwide community of Christians who strive hard to discern what it means to follow our First-Century Jewish Carpenter Lord and Savior into the twenty-first century. Although we are not a perfect people, we are a people that tries , with integrity, to follow Our Lord's way. CS Lewis said" I don't go to religion to make me happy, I always knew a bottle of port would do that." I am not an Episcopalian because it is 'trendy' or that the Church always makes me 'happy. I belong in this branch of the One Holy and Catholic Church because we are an imperfect people trying our best to follow our perfect Lord.


Amen


Feast of the Annunciation , 2014

negativity...ain't got time for that...and this means on Facebook too!

I've been struggling with some deep philosophical and medical { uh---mostly due to the fact that yours truly isn't a ' spring chicken' anymore} lately. As a result, I have not been " myself{ whatever that might mean!} for a few weeks. Spring is finally coming to the Florida Gulf Coast, and I need to do some Spring Cleaning and remove toxic individuals from my online & real-time life.


Sigh.


While I am not at liberty to discuss the individuals & the problems they cause via the World Wide Web, I CAN discuss how I chose to deal with said individual. I am just NOT talking to him/her anymore. This individual has not {yet} done anything to me personally , but when one hurts those I love, one hurts ME!


No one has time for petty mind games & power-brokering. I do not want such nonsense to continue to poison me & if rejecting this person online & keeping my face-to-face communication with him/her at a bare minimum, so be it.


 Although I will not go " quite " as far as to ignore this person's existence when I see them, I am not going to engage them in conversation. I also" unfriended" said individual on Facebook. the way I see it is that if she/he is causing me undue stress IRL, then I do not want her privy to my Facebook communications & activities either. This individual is sneaky & manipulative and the last thing I want to deal with is Facebook drama from them.


Seeya...& don't let the virtual door hit ya on the way out!

Smooth Sailing, Norman+

It is a sad day in my Diocese.


Last evening we learned of the sudden death of a fine priest of a sister parish . I knew Father Norman mostly from my times at our annual Diocesan Conventions. At close to 6 feet five inches, and with a wide shoulder circumference , Norm+ was a big guy. But his " larger-than-life" presence was mostly due to his kindness. He had a wonderful laugh and loved fine cigars and good scotch whiskey. He left behind in this world a wife and two adult children as well as a congregation of Christians in a small Northwest Florida town.


Norman+ suffered a massive heart attack, so his passing is very sudden. A congregation is without their beloved priest, a wife is bereft of her husband and people are without their father.


He was well-loved, as evidence of the kind thoughts posted to his personal Facebook Wall indicate.


I am struggling this night with not only mourning the loss of a fine man & priest, but with the idea of Death.


Death is not " supposed" to steal good people away from this life at an early age{ Norm was close to the age of my Dad, and to me that is way too young to die}Good people are supposed to not die suddenly. Rather they are supposed to pass on quietly and without pain while sleeping at the age of 100 or more.


I know that Norm+ is in a better place...probably enjoying cigars and Scotch that are literally "out-of-this-world" with all the other saints {small s} who have gone on before him. But selfishly I will still look for him at Convention. the official clergy photo of all the collared people in this Diocese will seem incomplete.


Norman+, smooth sailing, good and faithful servant. We'll miss you.


Amen.

Bring on the reunion! It's a wonderful life!

Its a date....my 20th High School Reunion will occur on July 19. It is to be a dress-up affair with a cash bar, food and music.




I'm going.



While I sincerely HOPE that Best Dude can come with me, I've accepted the fact that I might attend my reunion alone. That's OK by me, as I am much more confident than I was as a teen, and I'm pretty damn pleased with my life.






Inasmuch as I HATED high school { save for my time on the sports & Quiz Bowl teams and work summers at The Lake}. My grades for sure did not reflect my intellect, and I spent more time in the vice-principle's office than I care to admit.




I didn't go to either my junior nor senior prom and I attended ONE Homecoming formal { I went " stag " with a girl friend after said guy who DID ask me to the dance bailed on me with some lame-ass excuse.}As a matter of fact, I did not attend a formal dance until First College.


I was lame. I might have been an athlete and taking a hard course load , but I was a " nobody".
Girls were just a little bit mean to me and boys ignored me. My poor self-image led to dangerously disordered eating habits.


I was a mess.


In retrospect, most of my teen angst issues were related to my { then yet undiagnosed} autism coupled with intense introversion. Most of my lunch hours were spent in  vain attempts to become invisible from the rest of the student body and trying hard to work up the courage to talk with Cute Boy. My parents were  wonderful, {as they still are} and tried everything in their knowledge base to help me. Thankfully my small, rural school had some GREAT faculty members who went beyond the call of teacher and tried to help me fit in.


Now at the age of 37.5, I still don't fit in and I am more than okay with being an oddball. I'm blessed with a great boyfriend  who loves me unconditionally. I am totally over the disordered eating and am now on a healthy eating and exercise regime. I am the proud Aunt of an adorable baby nephew and proud fur-parent of a big dog. Best Dude and I keep several chickens in our backyard Both my parents are alive and healthy and I live in FLORIDA!


Life is sweet. I'm going into the 20th reunion with an open mind and without any grudges or otherwise " bad blood" I am not the girl whom I was back in 1994 : I am a healthy , happy version of me with most of the " bugs" worked out of my " operating system".


Amen.

I'm back! Its December 1.

As anyone who follows me on Facebook knows, I have been participating in National Novel Writing Month all of November. the object of " Nanowrimo" is to write 50,000 words in 30 days during November. I put aside all other writing projects, including blogging, to do this year's Nanowrimo. Although I STILL did not complete the 50,000-word challenge, I DID start a heck of a writing project that I plan to {eventually} finish.  I'm writing a young adult paranormal novel about a young werewolf's freshman year at university.  Writing in the YA/Paranormal Romance genre has proven to be more challenging than I had anticipated, but I am in no way giving up on completing the draft of the novel.

It has also been a rough weekend, football-wise, for me. My Steelers lost to those hated Baltimore Ravens on Thanksgiving eve and yesterday my Crimson Tide fell at literally the last daggone SECOND to that other Alabama college football team. Ugh.

Today also marks the beginning of the Advent season in the liturgical year. When Best Dude and I walked into the nave today before morning Mass, I noticed that the altar cloths, our priest's vestments and the wall hangings on the east wall are a glorious purple hue. To me, Advent is a season of hopeful anticipation for new beginnings.

This year Best Dude and I will participate in Las Posadas, a symbolic procession of a likeness of the Blessed Mother & St Joseph that will travel from house to house among parishioners throughout the Advent season. I've not done this before, so I'm looking forward to Mary & Joseph " visiting"our house on the 10th of this month. Las Posadas reminds me that the hopeful anticipation of the season sets the tone for what the Christmas hustle & bustle REALLY should be about: Our Lord Jesus Christ. I'm as guilty as the next person when it comes to the secular,. albeit FUN aspects of the holiday season.

It is hard, but I am making a concerted effort to take " time out for the coming Christ" this Advent. Won't you join me?

Amen.

1 Advent 2013

Life begins after 30

There is a meme going around Facebook which, although I am amused by it,  it does not " speak" to my life experiences.

My teenage years & even my 20's basically sucked.  High school & middle school were especially painful for me. Although I met some of my closest friends during my first stink at college, my second decade was not too much better than was my first one.

Some people may wish to relive their youth, but I eagerly anticipate whatever the future holds for me. While I am grateful for the past & all I've learned, I do not desire to relive those years. In a culture that glorifies youth, I choose to look forward to maturing with pride & dignity. At the age of 37, I am in the BEST physical shape that I've ever been! I'm free from the painful dietary restrictions of disordered eating & the correct combinations of medicines  helped me cope with living on the {highly-functioning} autism spectrum.  I'm blessed to be in a relationship with the love of my life. While I will never really consider myself as a Floridian, I'm truly enjoying coastal life

You can keep your youth if you wish to do so. Bring on the future!

A friend is a friend forever...until you get " unfriended"

I am getting closer to Vacation 2013. Today I organized my clothing in our spare bedroom, made a " to-do"list of tasks to complete within the next few days and made a phone call to my favorite aunt in Pennsylvania.

On the agenda for this trip is a visit with a long term friend from my First College. We met in church when I was a freshman & we've maintained a very good friendship ever since then. We haven't seen each other in person for 17 years, so I am really looking forward to spending some quality time with him after years of maintaining contact via email, occasional phone calls & now Facebook.

Although I've MANY gripes regarding Facebook, at the same time I'm grateful that this social tool has put me in contact { or in closer contact} with people whom I otherwise would not hear from at all{ or very rarely}

Which brings me to the phenomenon known as **UNFRIENDING**. If you use Facebook at all, there is a good chance that you have been "unfriended" by someone. There is even a better chance that you have "unfriended" someone. Now I know that online " unfriending" is {usually} not one-and-the-same with actually ending a friendship IRL {in real life}. Its especially awkward when someone whom you DO know & see regularly suddenly chooses to end your association online.  Maybe I'm reading too much into this , but if I've offended someone, I generally wish for the chance to make amends. If I am " unfriended" by an associate without an explanation, I am wary of contacting him or her again offline.

Now I know that, in the great scheme of human interactions, that unfriending is not really much of a big deal. But let's be honest for a moment, when one finds out that an associate IRL has " unfriended" one on Facebook, one feels a bit miffed.

Or perhaps it is worse when someone "unfriends" you and you KNOW his or her reason for said unfriending. An example from my own life: I was e-pals with this woman whom I'd met via  Facebook on a Facebook group for socially-progressive Episcopalians. We have a lot in common & emailed/talked regularly. She lives in a northern city & although we'd never met in person i considered her a friend{ you know, sort of like the "pen pals" of old} Anyhow, when Best Dude & I started dating , this e-pal suddenly unfriended me. Although I'm not positive{ she hasn't contacted me since} I'm almost certain that my changing my relationship status from *single* to *in a relationship* bothered her to the point that she wanted to cut off contact.

Whatever.

Just sayin' .