one of my own ' call stories'

Regardless of what anyone's beliefs { or nonbelief, at it may be}are or are not, all humans are called to a purpose. none of us exist to merely take up oxygen and other resources, each and everyone has a purpose or two[ or three or four.....} for our time hear on Earth. Today's sermon lesson was on such ' callings' and since I am a Christian, I shall take a Christian approach to this topic.




Discerning a '"call"  has two components One is the inner voice that tells someone she or he is called to a particular place, job, relationship, ect. Makes sense, yes?




I've spent at least the past two years in my own discernment.  for reasons which I would rather not mention, I felt a need to make a move from one Episcopal parish to another.




My decision to leave Small Parish for Beach Parish was not an easy one, nor did I make that choice to follow that call "suddenly" [ no matter what you might have heard through the local grapevine]


 I'd been in a conversation with God and with some trusted friends regarding this move to beach parish for quite some time. When the right mix of events occurred, it was God SHOUTING to me " Time to move". By that time, I was ready for the next step in my walk with Christ---and as painful as my parting with Small Parish was and still is, I do not regret listening to that inner voice of God telling me that it was past time to move on.




As my mom, she'll tell you that I do not listen to anyone very well or very often. God was shouting at me to get my skinny butt to a different place . Sadly like the stubborn Irish-American hillbilly gal I am, I still didn't listen. after all, God wasn't giving me any specifics about WHY it was time to seek out a new parish home, all God kept telling me that I needed to move on from what I'd come to know and love.[ yes I do love Small Parish}






The second part of the ' call' isn't quite so easy: Does the community affirm the call? In my case, I'd felt both the inner call to leave Small Parish---but was terrified of what that might mean for the relationships that I had built with the people in that community. Best Dude was and still IS a member of Small Parish, and the idea of becoming a two-parish household DID NOT make me feel good. Yet I was restless in the former parish community, and felt out-of-place among them.  try as I might, I felt lonely among them, and only continued to be a part of that parish because I selfishly wanted to spend Sunday mornings with him. Also, are we not supposed to worship in a church near where we live? 


For two years I struggled with these questions and many more. God was telling me what God wanted me to do, and even as I began to see the ' big picture" of what God called me to do I still resisted until some circumstances hit me in what felt like a literal slap in the face. all I shall say about what prompted me to finally listen to God's calling me was that it SUCKED!




 I can say with a clear and joyous heart that Beach Church has affirmed my ' calling' to be a part and among them. I only wish I would have answered this particular call sooner.


Thanks be to God.


Amen.

RIP Robin Williams { A little late, but sincere nonetheless}

There has been a lot on social media and the Internet regarding the tragic passing of one of my all-time favorite actors, the late Robin Williams. When I first learned of his death, I'd originally thought it to be another one of the sick but all-too-common Internet pranks.


Sadly, Robin William's suicide at the young age of 63 is too real. My heart still aches, as he has been one of the few entertainers whose work has defined my childhood{ and made me laugh  out loud at every movie in which that he played a part and rerun of _Mork And Mindy_}


It is hard to believe that an entertainer as talented as Williams is no longer with us. Its even sadder to think that his depression  left him feeling literally without hope.


Mental illness knows no race, class, gender, family status, ect. Many individuals suffer silently with mental illness including, but not limited to depression.  There are limited, if any medical facilities that can care for patience who suffer from severe mental illnesses and many people lack the financial resources necessary to cope with these chronic  yet very REAL health problems.


As someone with autism coupled with chronic depression I've suffered my share of  " bad" days. I know firsthand what it is like to wake up  with a total lack of hope for a better tomorrow---and on my worst days hope for even a better next few hours.


 Depression of any sort is a pain that I would not wish on the most vile person living on Earth and I am grateful that medications have helped me to manage both my depression & some of the traits of my autism. { Medications do NOT cure autism, but I've discovered that medication doe help me to cope with my extreme sensory integration problems & also helps me literally " Keep Calmer" when I am overwhelmed. Although I take my medications faithfully, some days are decidedly more difficult than other days.


My struggles with mental illness is something that I do not like to discuss. But if sharing parts of my story with the parts of my community will help others understand  more about chronic depression and Autism, than I am willing to share.  As there is not a " typical" person with Autism, neither is there a " typical" person who suffers from depression & related illnesses.




May Robin Williams' soul requisitat en pacem. And may we honor his memoriy by educating ourselves and others on issues and solutions pertaining to mental health.


In the Name of the Father, Son & Holy Spirit, AMEN.

My Name is SarahBeth and I am a " Forgiveness Challenge" dropout

Hi. My name is SarahBeth & I am a Forgiveness challenge dropout.


{ Crowd murmurs " Hi SarahBeth}


"Forgive/Sounds good.
Forget? I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything/But I'm still waiting" ~ Dixie Chicks.


Last month I had an intention to completed ++ Desmond Tutu's international " Forgiveness Challenge" online. I admit when I fail to complete a task & I messed up this one in the worst way. For the first 6 days I was  stoked about this journey of self-discovery, but after the 6th day life's circumstances that occurred beyond my control set me way back. As the first week of this challenge moved into the second week I realized that I am not emotionally nor spiritually "ready" to contemplate forgiveness.


So I dropped out.


I am not a quitter. Quitting is wimpy & my parents did not raise a wimp.


It can be healthy, however, to step back from an unpleasant situation & seek out guidance & perspective. When one is not at a good place emotionally or spiritually, it is hard { if not downright impossible} to focus on forgiveness.  I am too pissed-off to think deeply about forgiveness. & it is not worth my heartache to try to " complete"  this program just for the sake of completion.


Recently I've learned that I'm no good to serve anyone else if my own spiritual/psychological life is in disarray. Sometimes it is necessary to step back from a situation & allow oneself to be led by the Spirit without constantly worrying about staying " at the top of my game'. Spiritual & emotional health is just as important as corporeal health. As I read the day's emails from ++ Tutu last month, I realized that  I am not ready to contemplate forgiveness right now.  The good thing about the 30 Day Forgiveness Challenge is that participants can return to the site and complete each day's activity when ready to do so.


"Life is a journey/Not a destination/...And you just don't can't tell just what tomorrow will bring..."~Aerosmith


There is no need to rush on healing and forgiveness. Each person  heals differently & one's life story/spiritual autobiography factors into each person's  Forgiveness & Healing Timetable.
Several circumstances throughout my 38 years of life on Planet Earth have molded me into a slow healer. I'm like a pot roast: tough & rigid until I  simmer long enough for tenderizing to happen. I do not forgive nor heal easily from soul wounds. With a lot of prayer, I hope I shall come to a place where I can forgive wholeheartedly. 


SEM


Feast Of the Ascension of Our LORD Jesus the Christ 2014

Remembering, but not dwelling

I love blogs. Most of the blogs I follow are those of people whom I know in real life {IRL}

Anyhow, today I saw a blog by my rector that REALLY made me think.

I see a lot of posts on Facebook today about the anniversary of 11 September 2001. Heck, I even posted my own " where I was when the planes hit" status today.

My rector's musings on his blog today were NOT the average 11 September 2001 musings.

he reminded us that, when it is right & good to pause in remembrance  of the tragedy that occurred today, we must not forget to LIVE.

In the years before & sine 2001, this day on the calendar has been cause for celebrations for countless people. Birthdays, anniversaries & other " milestones" of human life have & always will occur on this day.

After all, there ore only 365 or {every four years) 366 days in every rotation around our sun.

It is good to remember & pay respect to collective tragedies that occur within our history. Yet we also need to celebrate all that makes life good--and celebrate each & every day.

Amen.