Prom season & approaching reunions

I am looking at the photos of people's kids' proms  on Facebook tonight & have a mixed reaction.

I feel RELIEF.

 I am NOT that shy girl that I was when I was in high school--a girl who was so shy she could not even really carry on a flirtatious conversation with a cute boy--let alone ever get asked out on a date. :O(  I did not attend either on of my high school proms & never was asked to any other sort of date in high school. Of course I was terribly shy & socially-awkward & my lack of self-confidence showed on my face back then. To be succinct, I was one messed up, depressed, lonely kid.  All social aspects of teenage life mystified & bewildered me.

My{ at the time undiagnosed} autism left me as an easy target for bullies by girls & flat-out invisibility to boys.  I wanted to " fit in" & at my school  juniors & seniors all went to the prom. These proms were HUGE community events at the rural school I attended.

I tried hard to disguise my hurt at being left out of the whole prom experience by  faking disdain for the " triviality" of the entire event. When that failed to sooth my sore emotions , I sat in my room on Prom Nights & cried.

Proms, like high school, conjure many bad memories for me. High school was hell on Earth to me.

Secondly, I feel PROUD. 20 years after high school, I am not the Sarah Beth that my classmates probably remember. I am the new & improved Sarah Beth.

Anyhow, my 20th class reunion will occur in the summer of 2014.

And I will not only ATTEND this event, I am actually looking forward to it after almost 20 years of "growing into" myself enough to be confident in who I am. Honestly, part of me wants to " show up" certain " popular" girls whose social status in high school was higher than mine. I take care of myself emotionally, physically, spiritually & accept myself as I am now.

The girls who were mean to me in school did NOT keep me down---and it is because I was so badly bullied that I staunchly oppose any form of prejudice. My bullies allowed for me to experience life{ on some level anyhow} as someone not like the collective " them". I do not look at myself as a victim, but as someone who has overcome adversity by learning to accept herself as she is{ a person with high-functioning autism}&  opening my heart to those who are more marginalized than me.Yours truly: a white, straight, Christian , middle-class woman has close friends who happen to be poor, homosexual, non-Caucasian, & of other or no faith groups.

Bring it on, Summer 2014!