Facebook always asks me " What's on your mind, Sarah?" Well, something has been troubling me for over one week now.
An old couple who used to attend the church I left before coming to The Episcopal Church live on our street. For two years, I've managed to avoid them. I've feared that actually conversing with either one them would stir some bad memories of the last few years when I was active in that other faith community.
While I was walking Dogger last week the wife of the house came out to collect the mail. Instinctually I looked down , hoping that she would not recognize me.
It was too late. .
Her: " Are you Sarah?" { Oh, ****, she finally recognized me}
Me:" Yeah" { Who else could I be??}
Her: "Do you live on this street now?"
Me: Yeah. {ummm, only for the past two years ....DUH!}
Her, noticing my knee brace: "What happened to your knee?"
Me: " Old injury that I re-hurt."{ Y'all haven't talked to me in 5 years and THIS is what you say?}
Her: Well, good to see you."
Me: "Um, sure."
Dogger and I went on our way.
This conversation bothered me. First of all, I am not good at making so-called small talk even in the best of situations. Secondly, this woman had NOT been someone whom I enjoyed being around when I was a part of my ex-faith community.
I have forgiven these people for ostracizing me when I left their community. But, I have not forgotten the pain caused by their ostracising.
Does forgiving mean forgetting?
I think perhaps you might be overthinking it? (Yeah, I do it a LOT too.) Bad memories of your previous church shouldn't necessarily cloud your relationship with your neighbors. I try very hard to forgive and forget just about anything and everything, because life is way too short and I'd much rather pursue happiness than run away from it. I saw a quote somewhere that said, "Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting that person to get sick." Granted, I don't know the whole situation, but just from what you've written here it sounds like your fear of old memories is getting in your way. Nobody's expecting you to be best friends with these people, but a friendly wave now and then may be an easy way to start breaking those walls down. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Crystal. I probably AM overthinking this, but Best Dude says I overthink everything{} he is right---overthinking is a side effect of intelligence.
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